Don’t Make a Permanent Decision Based on Your Temporary Emotion
It’s one of those days… when life is tough and you are at the end of your rope. You say something very drastic because you can’t take another second. In that moment, you truly mean what you say. It’s been building – and when you finally say it, you’re even surprised at how severe it sounds. Maybe you’re telling your partner you’re done with the relationship. Perhaps you’re telling your boss you can’t take one day more day at work. Possibly you’ve told your bff you want to end your friendship. It’s over!
Then the next day, you calm down and are less hormonal and don’t feel so desperate. In fact, you are okay with the relationship, the job, the friend. You may still want to fix some aspects of each situation, but you certainly don’t want to cut ties. It would be nice if it all went away – you were forgiven as quickly as you recovered from the frustration and anger.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t usually work that way. It’s in the moments when we feel overwhelmed, out of control and somewhat insane, that we say and do things that can create permanent wounds in our relationships. The hurt can go deep. And the pain can be immense. If only we could take back our actions. If only we could rewind our life DVR to 30 seconds before we made the drastic decisions, we could avoid the situation all together.
But real life can’t be rewound. It’s lived in the very moment – second by second. It is our challenge to live responsibly for each of those seconds. As I’ve pondered the moments I wish I had stopped and thought through a decision, I realize there are some things I could have done to change the outcome.
1. Take a few minutes to clear your mind. Whether it’s in the middle of a heated argument or a moment of pure frustration, you need some time to step away and let the adrenaline settle down. Adrenaline is critical to keeping us alive in a life or death situation. However, it’s not as valuable when we need to be able to think rationally and make a longer term decision. Letting your body chemistry mellow out a little and the hormones stabilize will do wonders for your ability to put rational thoughts together.
2. Stay away from alcohol. Alcohol and reasoning never go together. Discussions and opinions should never be offered when one or both parties are under the influence of alcohol, even minor amounts. It alters brainwaves, making a person think differently. It can also cause amnesia for comments made. Just do yourself a favor – don’t engage in an important conversation when either person has had any alcohol.
3. Sleep on it. It’s amazing how much more reasonable a person becomes when they’ve had some sleep. Being tired is already a drain on the adrenals – adding an emotional decision on top of exhaustion is more than your sensibilities can handle. Do yourself a favor – don’t make an important, permanent decision when you should really go to bed. In most cases, that decision can wait a day or two until you’ve had a chance to get some rest and think clearly.
4. Talk to someone who is level-headed and can help you make a good decision. Sometimes this is a person who isn’t emotionally connected to you – who has no tie to the outcome other than to support you in weighing the factors to reach a solid conclusion. When I was separated from my ex-husband, I chose a mentor who was skilled in Akashic Records to help me make decisions about my marriage. She helped me move through the process with wisdom but wasn’t concerned with what the final result was. She wanted to empower me to make the best decision for me, regardless of what that decision was. Even though my family and friends were very supportive, it was difficult for me to make the decision I wanted when I was relying on others who were involved in my life day to day. They wanted nothing but the best for me. However, it’s sometimes challenging to make a personal decision when others are weighing in. Having the outside help allowed me to be less emotional and angry in my decision – to make a logical, clear decision.
5. Take as much time as you need to listen. Sometimes you KNOW. You just know. You don’t need a lot of time to ponder and consider – your gut tells you what to do. If you know without a doubt what to do, do it. However, if you are not certain how to proceed, give yourself a little time and space to pray and listen. The answers are always there. Sometimes you don’t want to hear them. Sometimes you don’t trust that you got an answer. But when you are honest with yourself, you know what to do. When you get the answer, trust your intuition. Some of the most painful experiences I’ve ever been through have been a direct result of not listening. I got an answer but did something else. And the result was excruciating. I learned! I listen now. If I don’t know what to do right away, I take whatever time I need. But I always listen – and the answer is always there.
Life can be very challenging. We live in a very fast-paced, hurried society. Decisions can be rushed. We all owe it to ourselves to take a breath, step back and make the decision that’s best for each of us. As my mother always said, “It always works out.” Yes, mom, it does!
Until next time friends,
Tara
Take 2 Minutes Today to Intend Your Tomorrow
We spend so much time doing “tasks” but how much time do we consciously spend creating our future? I have been pondering this question and realize that there are days I spend more time doing laundry, applying makeup, even getting the mail than I do planning for my future success.
While I am a planner by nature – To Do lists, goals, budgets, plans… but I don’t necessarily take just a short break to INTEND. Intend my blessings, intend my desires, and intend my joy. It’s in the practice of intending that we open our heart to receive. That’s when the real miracles can come into our life.
Just last week I was speaking to a friend who said he is able to manifest things more easily recently. I asked what the biggest change was – the one thing that that made manifesting more successful. He responded that he was becoming more focused and clear in asking for Divine intervention. I love this concept! In just two minutes a day, we can create a partnership with the huge throng of Heavenly Helpers who are eagerly waiting to assist in creating our future… creating our tomorrow.
Here are some questions to help you get started:
1. What will bring me more happiness and joy tomorrow?
2. How can I have more success tomorrow?
3. What will be fun tomorrow?
4. How can I feel better about myself tomorrow?
5. What can I do to be more at peace and content tomorrow?
6. What is the best part of being ME? How can I grow that to be even more fabulous tomorrow?
7. How can I bring more joy and love to others tomorrow?
8. What are the two more important things I can do tomorrow?
9. How can I spoil myself tomorrow?
10. What is my vision for myself tomorrow?
Please don’t try to answer all of these questions… they are meant to inspire you and help start your practice of Intending Your Tomorrow. This can be a fun, exciting process of co-creation with God. I suggest you journal your progress. You may miss the little miracles (even big miracles) if you don’t write them down. You’ll see success the longer you practice and record what is happening, the more often your intentions become reality.
Until next time friends,
Tara
I love Akashic Records!
Akashic Records are our soul’s transcript of everything that has happened to us and the lessons we are here to learn. Our records show our soul in a much deeper and loving light than we often see ourselves. It is a powerful and enriching opportunity to understand why the challenges, obstacles, successes, failures, people, and experiences are in our lives. Akashic Records also give a greater understanding of why we’re here and what we’re meant to learn in this lifetime.
Every time I read a record, I learn so about the perfection of trials. I also understand more about fears and how we delay our own joy. In this instance, a wonderful client of mine was holding herself back from having a prosperous and comfortable life. On the surface, it looks like she is struggling for money. Within her records, it is so much more than that.
Her soul records revealed that many of the “lack” issues in her life had nothing to do with lack of funds. She was living in a state of scarcity. She wanted to know if and when she was going to get a windfall of cash. This is a pretty common question, especially for people who are strained financially and don’t see an immediate way out. They want to know when relief is coming.
One thing I find fascinating about our soul lessons is the depth and perfection of our individual experiences. On the surface, it may feel like a lack of money problem. Within the records, every situation is completely different – the money is just a “mask” for the real issue. Ten people may ask about money and there will be ten different lessons, each powerful and customized for the person.
Knowing better than to ask “When is she going to get a lot of money?” I asked “What is her connection to money?” I wanted to know what role money was meant to play in her life. The answer was incredible – full of love and support for this amazing woman.
“She is here to learn to trust herself. To depend on herself, no matter what happens. To know she is fully capable of taking care of herself under ANY circumstance. She is also here to learn that she can have anything she wants but it cannot be to relieve her of her lesson. She cannot get a lot of money so she doesn’t have to worry about if she will be able to provide for herself financially. Until she knows she is strong and can take care of herself, she cannot have MORE to distract her. That will take away her lesson. In many ways, she is living in survival mode – not allowing herself any of the joy and freedom of living for fun.”
I asked further, “So if she were asking for money for FUN, she could have it?” The answer was amazing!
“If she truly wants money for fun (travel, experiences, etc), sure she can have it. However, if she is trying to “fool” herself or avoid the lesson (i.e. telling herself she wants the money for fun but at the core still fearing for survival), there cannot be financial abundance. The lesson is far more valuable to her soul than any amount of cash in this lifetime.”
She thought she didn’t deserve to have more money and felt like other people could take better care of her than she could take of herself. Ironically, that was precisely why she was struggling. In fact, this lesson was showing up in other areas of her life beyond her financial problems. In many ways she is living sparsely. She holds herself back from making friends, doing things she enjoys, eating good food, going places she loves, spending time with others.
So, the answer to her question of when she will have more money is – when she learns to trust herself. When she knows no matter what comes, she will be perfectly capable of taking care of herself.
I love that her records shared this wonderful insight to help her understand herself more. Her records also gave clarity on how she can rely on herself more, strengthening her belief in herself.
As with many readings, I find myself asking how I am misunderstanding the obstacles in my life. I pose the same questions to you:
How are your trials and frustrations really just a perfect lesson for you? How can you use the lessons to learn more about yourself?
To find out more about an Akashic Reading with Tara, please click here.
Until next time friends,
Tara
3 Tips for Career Success for Women
This talk from Sheryl Sandberg, the COO of Facebook, made a big impression on me when my good friend, Wendy Smedley, shared it with me, because it addresses challenges women face in having career success that are as much internal beliefs as external realities. It’s about 15 minutes long, but I encourage you to give it a watch and see what resonates with you as a working woman, whether in the home or out.
The quote from Ms. Sandberg that struck me the most is, “I think a world that was run where half of our countries, and half of our companies were run by women would be a better world.” I agree, because what we as women bring to the workplace is amazing and should not be underestimated, even by ourselves. She says, “No one gets to the corner office by sitting on the side… And no one gets the promotion if they don’t think they deserve their success.” We need to believe in our talents and accomplishments to make them a reality.
What in Ms. Sandberg’s talk stuck out to you? What advice would you add to hers for women to have career success? I look forward to your tips.
Enjoy,
Jennafer
Get The Lesson… Release the Experience
Today I would like to share one of my favorite lessons. A dear friend of mine, Laura Jacobs, shared this concept with me. This is one of those life changing thoughts that I’m eager to share with you!
Several years ago I had dinner with a woman who had left her husband four years earlier. They had been married for over seven years – a very long and difficult seven years. Even though many years had passed since she had even spoken to him, she continued to harbor tremendous anger and hatred for how he had ruined her life. In fact, she recalled many incidences in great detail – and some of the stories were ten years old! She remembered what she was wearing, each movement each person made, every word spoken. After all that time, she was still very stuck in her experiences.
I have thought about this conversation many times. It’s a perfect example of a person who has not released the experience but rather re-lives the events over and over and over again. Each time the emotions are just as raw – she continues to be angry, frustrated, resentful and hurt from events that should be over and done with. With each recollection of the story, she invests her personal power to keep the pain alive. She is investing a substantial amount of energy into these old, horrible experiences.
How would her life be different if she could have learned the critical lessons that the marriage provided and released the negative emotions she experienced? There were some tremendous lessons for her: how she contributed to the marital problems, what NOT to look for in her second spouse, how she could have reacted differently, how she could have supported her husband through his own personal issues, how her husband’s actions triggered her anger and frustration, and so on. Instead, she choose to stay frozen in the drama of the marriage and keep her anger alive.
Needless to say, she has no interest in another relationship or opening her heart again. How could she? She is still very much involved with her first marriage. The physical marriage is long over, but her emotional involvement is still very real.
How does this relate to you? I’m glad you asked!
While it may not be in a failed marriage, we each have our ways of being stuck in past experiences. In fact, I bet if you start to think about it, it won’t be long before you have many negative memories to choose from. We exert a great amount of energy staying wrapped up in experiences.
Yes, this is the time when you should pull your journal or notebook out and start listing the negative experiences.
Be honest with yourself. Are there memories you continue to hang on to because you either don’t want to acknowledge your contribution to the situation or you subconsciously want to continue being a victim? You may not be like the women in the example and relive the stories on a regular basis. In fact, they may be tucked away where you don’t think about them often. But when they show up, you know! You feel it in your solar plexus.
What happens if you continue to hang on to negative emotions? It’s no big deal. You’ll just end up with ulcers, liver disease, heart and lung issues, maybe even some Alzheimer’s. Oh, and don’t forget, the years of sorrow, depression, anger, fear, lonliness, sadness, heartache, discouragement… you get the idea. It’s time to deal with them!
We are here to learn lessons. We are here to gather knowledge, experience emotions and grow. If we get stuck in a past memory, our progression is stunted. We end up reliving one (or a few) events over and over and never move on. That’s not the purpose of life. We are meant to continually progress.
Let’s take this one step further. Is it possible to get stuck in a “positive experience”? For instance, do you know someone who was a legend in their own mind… 5, 10 maybe 15 years ago. They live in the memory of the good old days? Yes… that can be an obstacle to growth, too. If you find yourself doing that, those memories are holding you back just as much as if the experiences had been negative. You’re still stuck in the past.
I’m certainly not saying to throw out all the memories… let’s be reasonable. Memories are part of what defines who we are. They connect us to people and are a part of our belief system. It’s great to have memories of people we love, places we’ve been and things we’ve done. But they shouldn’t keep us stuck in the past or hold us back from reaching our best.
Today’s Challenge: What experiences are energetically holding you back? What are the lessons you’re not getting?
Sometimes it’s easier to give others advice than it is to coach yourself. So act as if someone you love had gone through “your” experience and asked for your input (as if you were a neutral observer). What lessons did the events hold for the person? What could the person learn from everything that had transpired? How was this experience perfect for your growth and development? Guess what… you’ve got the answers right there before you.
I think we spend far too much time reliving the past, feeling guilty and inadequate and trying to convince ourselves that we have no regrets. Let’s get real! We don’t need to relive sad events forever. We don’t have to remain stuck in old memories that hold us back from grasping our greatness. And guilt… oh, boy! That’s a big topic on its own! If we are going to transform, we have to deal with guilt! But that’s for another day.
One last thought. I believe we are children of a very loving and involved God. You are no accident! True, this journey was never meant to be easy and uneventful… that would defeat the purpose. But, I don’t believe for one second that we are meant to lug around emotional pain and sadness for the rest of our lives. When we accept that we are on earth to learn, it’s okay to make mistakes (and forgive – forgive ourseves and forgive others for their mistakes), we can get the lesson and release the experience. The negatives no longer serve us and we don’t have carry them around any more. They taught us what we needed to learn and now we can let go and move on.
Soon, our whole perspective of “mistake” will shift. Instead of a mistake, let’s call it an experiment. Some experiments work great. Others don’t. No problem… we figure out why the experiment didn’t work and make the necessary changes for next time. We don’t stress about it or wallow in it. We learn from it and move on.
Until next time friends,
Tara
Intuition Access in Just 10 Minutes
Making time to quiet your mind is one of the best ways to connect with – and learn to listen to – your intuition. And the more practice you get connecting to your intuition the easier it is to perceive—and the easier it is to have access to answers and guidance that will help you navigate through life.
But our lives get busy, and there’s sometimes a shortage of time and quiet. Luckily it doesn’t have to take a lot of time to get in touch with your intuition. In just 10 minutes, you can quiet your mind and be able to access your intuition to gain insights on a regular basis. All you need is
*a private place to sit comfortably,
*a pen and paper, and
*something to keep time with.
Here’s how:
*Take 5 minutes to meditate. Spend 5 minutes in a private, quiet spot meditating. Whether your preferred meditation method is focusing on your breathing, saying a mantra, following a guided meditation, or a combination thereof, meditate according to it for five minutes to clear your mind and get centered in your body.
*Take 5 minutes to listen and write. Now that your mind is calm and clear, ask yourself a question for which you’ve wanted guidance. It can be what direction to take in your career, what kind of things would improve a relationship, how to help your family, anything. Then take 5 minutes to write whatever comes to you. Don’t question or judge it. Just write. At the end of your writing time, look over what your wrote and see what resonates with you to take away as an answer.
This exercise is easy to do and helps you connect to your intuition for needed answers—and in only 10 minutes! Try it this week to help you on your journey, and leave a comment to let me know how it goes.
love & light,
Jennafer
Reach Out to a Friend
Do you sometimes feel alone or disconnected from people you love? Do you wish you still had contact with people you grew up with? Are there family members or people love that you haven’t talked to for far too long?
Today is a special day!
Today is the day you can choose to reconnect with someone special in your life.
It happens to all of us – we have people we love or have fond memories of but we lose track of them. Life gets too busy or we enter a different phase in our life and our connection to someone special to us gets lost. Who is someone in your life that you miss? Think of a special friend or family member that you would love to catch up with.
This is a project I have been working on personally for the past several months and it is so much fun to talk to someone that I haven’t spoken to for 10 years or more. It’s special to recall memories, laugh over funny experiences and rebuild a special bond. It has been surprising to see how different every person’s path is over time and how interesting their life story is.
You may feel a little nervous at first. That’s okay – it’s not unusual. You’ll find it’s fun and entertaining. In fact, you may want to call a few more people on your list!
Today’s challenge is to think about 3 or 4 people you would love to associate with again. Now go to work to find them. You may have to do a little research to get their phone number or email address, but it’s worth it!
If you are worried that the conversation may be awkward, write down a few thoughts before getting on the phone. Write down some questions you would like to ask and some memories you can talk about. Add things about yourself – what you’ve been doing since you last spoke, where you’ve been and a few funny memories. Write down a few notes about common friends and latest news about them. That way, when you find a lull in the conversation, you’ll have a new topic to talk about.
We are not meant to feel lonely, disconnected and in our own bubble. We have connections all around us – sometimes we just need to reach out to re-activate those relationships. It will be a very growing (and hopefully FUN) experience. Please let me know how it goes!
Until next time friends,
Tara
2 Tips to Follow Your Heart
Have you ever been trying to make a decision and your thinking gets cloudy? You know the feeling: there’s so many things going through your brain that it feels full and you can’t think straight. That has happened to me more times than I can count. And it’s not always easy to shake.
While there’s many things that contribute to that cloudy thinking confusion, much of the time it’s the noise that other people’s expectations or opinions create. That noise can distract us from following our hearts, but there’s a way to cut through that and get to the answer you need that’s right there waiting.
Here’s two tips to get there.
1. Get quiet. Most of the time we know pretty instantly the answer to a question we have or the solution to a dilemma we face because we feel it in our hearts. The problem is that the noise drowns out that own inner voice and we feel confused or stuck. To silence the noise of other people’s expectations, first
*take three deep breaths and
*turn off anything that can distract you (phone, TV, etc.).
Getting quiet helps us hear the voice inside more clearly and give it the attention it deserves.
2. Listen to your heart. Commit to hearing what your heart says openly and clearly without judgment. Recognize that fears or doubts may come up, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But those fears & doubts don’t automatically negate what your heart says. Whatever comes, listen openly and give it credit. Honestly hearing and acknowledging it has a way of helping the cloudy thinking go away and clarity come.
As Carl Jung said: “Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens.”
The challenge today: Awaken to what your heart truly wants and says. It takes courage to listen to your heart, but it’s incredibly worth it.
love & light,
Jennafer
Stress – 8 Keys to Relieve Stress In Your Life
With the fast-paced, high-pressure lives that many of us lead, it’s no wonder that we sometimes feel stressed to the limit and out of control of our lives. Emotional stress… worry… tension… Whatever we call it, the effects are the same. While stress starts as a mental reaction to a situation, over time, stress can take a toll on your physical health. We’ve all experienced moments of stress – sometimes we impose it on ourselves, other times it is imposed on us.
Maybe you have recently, or are now, experiencing potentially stressful situations:
Death in the family
Work
Divorce
Financial problems
Health issues
Hectic schedules
Having a baby
Winning the lottery
Starting a new job
Going on vacation
There are some situations we cannot avoid – stressful, worrisome events that can cause you emotional anxiety. That is normal. No one is completely exempt from stress. However, learning to manage your reaction is critical. Allowing the stress to continue long-term can negatively affect your emotions, relationships, physical health, spiritual connections and moods.
A 1996 survey in Prevention magazine found that 75% of the population feels like they have “great stress” at least one day a week. It has also been estimated that 75-90% of all visits to primary care physicians are for stress-related health problems.
We all have to live with stress, but if not reined in, it can profoundly affect both mind and body. Everyone experiences stress at different levels. Fortunately, you can gain control of your life, slow things down, and curb stress.
Stress isn’t all bad. If we are in a life-threatening situation, stress creates a physical response that demand quick reactions in response to threats. However, we expect our body to come to our aid day after day, many times during the day… to handle stress that is not life-threatening. Our body’s responses are triggered on a regular basis, even when our lives are not in danger. Chronic stress causes hormones to be released and can damage our body.
Here are some immediate things you can do to counteract stress in your life:
1. Breathe – just take a moment to relax and take in some long breaths.
2. Analyze your immediate situation – Is it really as bad as you’re making it out to be? How can you react differently? — This is when the skills from previous days come in to play. We’ve talked about this… you can do it!
3. Stop worrying and start solving – Worry takes all of your problem solving energy and wastes it! Instead of worrying, focus on what you can do to make the problem better.
4. Develop an attitude of gratitude – Sometimes this shift in thought will shift our entire mood. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in what you don’t have, what someone else has done to you or how bad things are. But stopping yourself and making yourself think of something positive changes not only your emotional state but also your physical state.
5. Eat well – Your body needs sound nutrition all the time, but even more so when you are stressed. We will discuss nutrition more soon, but for the time being, eat foods that have fuel. Brownies, candy, soda, etc. do not have fuel – they have empty calories. You can tell how you feel when you eat empty calories: tired, anxious, depressed, weak, depleted, etc. That’s not what you need when you’re stressed. Eat foods that give you energy, help you feel better, and give you strength.
6. Have some fun – Laugh, exert yourself physically, have sex if it’s appropriate… do something to get your mind off the worry and focus on something enjoyable.
7. Serve others – There is no greater antidote for focusing on worry than focusing on helping others. It’s a miraculous thing. As you serve and love others, your personal cares take on a different perspective. Your problems can diminish in complexity when your awareness of what others are working through increases. You may actually gain a greater gratitude for what you are encountering. It will help you see the meaning in your struggles when you can see how another person is working through their challenges.
8. Try relaxation. I love to hear clients’ stories about how much better they feel after using hypnosis to relieve stress. It is a wonderful way to breathe, focus your thoughts and change your subconscious habits to be more calm. Whether you work with a hypnotist or use a hypnosis download, you can enjoy the effects immediately.
Today’s assignment: write down the top 10 things that are stressing you. If you can’t think of 10, that’s great! Write what you can. If you have more than 10, write down the 10 biggest items.
Look at your list – determine which things you can control and which you can’t. If you can’t control something, commit to stop worrying about it. There’s nothing you can do and giving your emotional energy will drain you. Control what you can – your response.
If you can do something about your stressor, figure out what needs to be done and go to work. Stress is paralyzing. Often the fear and anxiety are much worse than the actual problem. If you need to call creditors, pick up the phone right now. If you’re dreading a conversation with someone, schedule a time to talk and get it over with. If you need to make a decision, decide and move on. It won’t be easier later and the energy you exert in worrying could be going to something positive.
The best part… you do not have to live in a state of stress. You have the choice. You can take steps to eliminate the stress. If elimination isn’t feasible, you can change your reaction. You control your emotions. When you realize how incredibly powerful you are, you won’t need to surrender to stress. You can live a higher emotion!
Until next time friends,
Tara
Don’t Put Off Your Happy Life
artwork by Nicole Larue
Life is short. Enjoy it and make it the one you want.
Love & light,
Jennafer
See Others Through Eyes of Love
I love Joel Osteen. His thoughts and words are inspiring to me. Earlier today I was listening to a program I had recorded several weeks ago but hadn’t had a chance to watch. He had so many powerful things to say that I wanted to share them with you. I believe that if we will internalize his message, we can live a more loving, powerful life while raising others up who need some TLC. Some of what I’m sharing is directly quoted. Other thoughts are what I heard (what I needed to hear today). I hope some of these thoughts will help lift you in your day.
There is a reason people are who they are. If we took time to know their story and understand where they’ve been, we would be a lot more understanding of how they’re acting.
Instead of being critical of someone, take time to get to know them. We will see them in a whole different light when we understand where they have been.
People are brought into our lives to help us offer them hope and healing.
When you understand someone’s story, it’s easier to overlook things. We judge people on OUR circumstances without understanding what they have been through.
The seeds you are sewing will come back to you. If you are judgmental to others, those seeds will come back to you. If you are kind and merciful with others, kindness and mercy will come back to you.
Love doesn’t magnify a mistake. Love overlooks a mistake. A mature person will downplay a mistake – offering mercy and kindness when someone needs compassion.
When someone treats us will anger or frustration, there is often something going on behind closed doors that is affecting them. Those people are in our lives so we can help love them back into wholeness. We are the healers… those sensitive to others who need love and compassion.
Let’s stop judging people and start healing people. Let us offer words of encouragement. We can change the whole atmosphere by offering a spirit of kindness and love.
Gentle words have healing power.
I’m not here to straighten everybody out and judge them. My job is to offering healing and hear; to support someone else on their journey and allow others to support me on mine.
This world is full of people who needs someone to understand.
When you walk in somebody’s shoes or hear their story, it gives you a different perspective. We’ll never fully understand why a person is hurt or struggling. All we can do it give them understanding and compassion.
When we are hard and critical, that doesn’t lift people up. That pushes them further down.
If we will see people through the eyes of love, we can help lift them up and help them fulfill their God-given destiny.
What can I do to inspire others to do better, to feel more valuable, loved, secure?
You’re Not That Fragile.
Today’s lesson hits pretty close to home. I had to learn this one the hard way.
Several years ago I was having a rough morning, feeling really sorry for myself. My husband (now ex-husband) and I had had a pretty significant fight and I was crushed. I will never forget the moment – I was in the closet hanging up clothes and was having a full fledged pity party. Out of nowhere I heard my dad’s voice plain as day say, “Tara, you’re NOT that fragile.” Whoa! It was shocking on many levels.
As a daughter, I would have expected my dad to feel sorry for me, take my side and tell me I didn’t deserve to be treated like that.
Instead, my dad told me to toughen up. Ouch!
I have to admit, I had an instant attitude adjustment. He was right. I’m not that fragile. I was letting someone’s behavior and attitude dictate how I felt and responded. I was acting like a victim. It wasn’t pretty.
I have thought about this moment a million times. I can’t even count how often I have told myself, “You’re not that fragile.” I’m not. I’m not going to break if someone says something unkind to me. I’m not going to fall apart if a person is hurtful to me. I’m not going to shatter if someone lies to me or betrays me. Let’s face it – I don’t LIKE any of these scenarios, but I am definitely going to survive… and survive WELL.
Let me ask you, how often do you let yourself be fragile? Are there times when you could ignore someone else’s negativity or rudeness without accepting their comments/actions as an attack on you? Instead of internalizing another person’s opinions, could you brush it off and realize it isn’t about you? Sure, it’s difficult. However, the more I live by these words, the less I’m negatively affected by others.
The other A-Ha this lesson taught me is the volume of negative messages we receive from others everyday. There are a lot of people walking around trying to give away “crap” because they feel so awful about themselves. Well, I don’t want someone else to dump on me, make me feel bad and ruin my day because they haven’t learned to feel good about themselves. Once I took my ego out of the equation, I realized how little of the negativity was actually about me and how much of it was about the other person and what he or she is going through in their own life.
Today’s challenge is to let go of the need to internalize what other people try to give to you. For some reason, we think we need to believe people when they say hurtful things to us. It can be crushing and break our spirits. It’s time to quit that. In other words, Stop Being Fragile.
As you go through your day today, pay attention to the messages others are sending you. Are their words and actions encouraging and helping you be more confident? Likewise, are the messages you send to others uplifting and supportive? We have to be more aware… aware of how others affect us and how we affect others. When we each master this lesson, we will be much less reactive to others and much more confident in ourselves.
Until next time friends,
Tara
What Will You Fight For?
What did you fight for that has great worth now? What will you fight for now?
Love & light,
Jennafer
Vibrations of Emotions
For as long as I can remember, I have been sensitive to emotions. Not only my own, but I felt others emotions. In fact, I often absorbed or took on their emotions without realizing what was happening. It made me very sensitive and tired. It wasn’t until I read Power vs. Force that I started to understand why I had such a physical reaction to emotional situations.
Before I share what I learned in Power vs. Force, let’s create a foundation for understanding how vibrations work and how those vibrations are associated with emotions:
Emotions have unique vibrations just like colors and physical objects do. These emotional vibrations also go from higher/faster to lower/slower. When you are laughing and having fun, your body’s vibrations are lighter (higher and faster). When you are tired and sick your vibrations are heavier (slower and lower). You know how when you are in love, you feel “energized”, “high”, like you’re “walking on a cloud?” That’s because your emotions are literally adding voltage and power, lightening your body. And when you’re negative and depressed, you feel sluggish, “feeling low,” “heavy”. “I’m down today.” Your emotional vibrations are giving your body a slower, lower vibration. This is not speaking metaphorically. This is scientifically measurable.” (Phyllis Kirk, The Magic of Quantum, http://www.themagicofquantum.com/review.php).
Knowing that emotions have a measurable frequency or vibration, it becomes even more critical that we learn to manage our emotions. If we let our emotions manage us, we will be in a low-vibration state.
So now, back to Power vs. Force. In David Hawkins’ research, he measured the vibration of different emotions. This is illustrated in this chart:
On the left are the range of emotions we can experience, the measurement of the emotions are at the right. You will see that shame has the lowest vibration – 20. Enlightenment (being in communication with Heaven) has the highest vibration at 1000. Vibrations under 200 are considered to be destructive to our well-being. Isn’t it interesting that look at the emotions and states of being associated with vibrations under 200:
Shame, humiliation, guilt, blame, apathy, despair, grief, regret, fear, anxiety, desire, craving, anger, hate, pride and scorn.
Here’s the real kicker: it is estimated that between 85-90% of the population live in the emotion states that vibrate under 200 (quite honestly, it is probably under 50). Is it any wonder that we have epidemic obesity, depression, suicide, anxiety, stress, divorce rates… We are living in a continual state of low vibration. We are just surviving. Barely.
Today’s lesson in our quest for transformation is the critical need to elevate your emotions. You are the only person who can decide what frequency you will live at. It takes effort. It takes constant evaluation of your feelings. It takes determination.
My mother was a fabulous example of a woman who had decided she was going to be happy no matter what. Regardless of what challenges life threw at her, she was determined she would move forward in faith, knowing God would protect her and provide for her needs. She worked hard to be a high-vibration person. She lived at a vibration of 500 or higher most of her life. Why? Because she made the conscious decision that she was going to be happy and never deviated from her commitment.
Have you made that decision? If not, today is your day! Decide in this moment that you live at 200 or higher, no matter what! The key to success here is breaking the habit of negative thoughts. You must watch how you react to every situation and hold yourself accountable. You will be amazed at how your higher vibration lifts others. In time, those around you will also be vibrating at a higher frequency because that’s just how it works.
Vibrations attract similar vibrations – you will automatically improve their mental state by improving yours. You will have a more positive impact on others by raising your frequency than anything else you can do. It’s powerful!
Here’s to a 200+ day!
Until next time friends,
Tara
Anything Is Possible
Happy New Year. Dare to make it amazing.
love & light,
Jennafer
Is it Time for Your Fresh Start?
2012 is right around the corner. I love this time of year – reviewing all of the crazy and amazing events of the past year and letting myself dream of the new year to come. It’s an exciting time… full of possibilities and potential.
2011 was a wild year for me… a combination of great memories and soul-searching challenges. Many incredible highs and some painfully difficult lows.
I’m a list person (I get it from my mother). I wanted to get the full impact of 2011. So I sat down and made a list of every significant event that had happened in 2011 and the list was much longer than I realized. 2011 was a powerful year! Some of the things that happened were because I was very clear about what I wanted to happen and I went to work to check off all of the items on my to-do list. Other things happened because they needed. I didn’t necessary “choose” to have them happen but they did impact my life – ultimately in a positive way.
Quite honestly, before making the list, I thought 2011 had been only so-so. I even had the thought that I had let 2011 pass me by. I thought about what I wanted everyday and worked for it a little at a time. I didn’t realize how many successes and accomplishments I had created. It happened little by little and the “wins” of the year almost passed me by. With some different perspective and my list as evidence, I realize that 2011 was an incredible year. It was the year of my re-birth. Here’s part of my list:
* Got divorced
* Started volunteering at Make A Wish
* Began teaching wellness and health classes in the community
* Created my hypnosis website
* Took many business and personal trips to New York, Toronto, San Diego, Alamosa, Bozeman, New Jersey, Nashville, Las Vegas, Denver
* Planned my family’s reunion this summer
* Had a blast during spring break at Disneyland!
* Enjoyed Thanksgiving in Montana
* Moved – an exhausting task!
* Started reading Akashic Records professionally
But of everything that happened in 2011, the absolutely MOST IMPORTANT is that I learned to love myself. I had never experienced the feeling of total love and acceptance of myself before. There will be a whole post about that another day. For now, I will just say that this one thing changed EVERYTHING.
Now I’m looking forward to 2012 as a fresh start. I have momentum going into this year (something I did not have last year). I am ready to LIVE again with PASSION. Did you already guess I have list for 2012? If so, you’re right! 
So here’s the start of an evolving list of what I want to create in 2012:
* Take voice lessons
* Enter the dating world again
* Take some cooking classes
* Grow my hypnosis website
* Drive a race car
* Continue volunteering at Make a Wish
* Reach out to women who have been (or are) in an emotionally abusive relationship
* Go to Greece
* And I’m sure many more business and personal trips throughout the year
Here’s the kicker – it doesn’t matter where you start. In 2011, I started from scratch (actually, probably more in the ditch than from flat ground). All I knew was that I needed a different direction and I had to create a different life. The old life never worked for me. But it didn’t even matter because it had been shattered. I had to have a fresh start.
We all have times when we need a fresh start… sometimes it’s just in one area of our life, sometimes it’s a complete tear-down and remodel. In that fresh start we learn so much about ourselves, our relationships and our way of living life. What I learned was that nothing else matters (no success, relationships, accomplishments, goals met) if I don’t love myself enough to feel good about me and what I’ve done. If I’m beating myself or criticizing myself, the joy will never be felt.
What matters is where you end up and how you feel about yourself when you get there.
What fresh start do you need? What will you do TODAY to move in that direction? It’s the little steps that lead to the greater successes. Start today with one step that will bring you closer to the life you desire.
Until next time friends,
Tara
Find the Perfection in Trials
It’s time – we need to talk about what trials can mean and do for us. Sometimes people spend so much time thinking how difficult a situation is or how unhappy they are. This especially true when times get tough or life is hard. It may feel like you are trudging through a storm all by yourself. It may even feel very unfair.
What about when someone intentionally hurts you? That can be devastating! We have all been there at one time or another… but that doesn’t make it any easier.
Let me ask you a question… What would happen if you changed your question from, “Why me?” to “How is this situation perfect for me?”
We tend to see life in the current moment instead of from a long-term perspective. Here’s an example.
A friend of mine was recently laid off after working for his company for over 12 years. He was the VP of Operations, requiring him to travel extensively throughout the U.S. and manage multiple locations. His job was very stressful, yet fulfilling for him. In many ways, his job defined him. His wife managed the household, including raising the children and keeping the home fires burning while he was away on business.
When he lost his job, his whole world crashed in on him. He suddenly went from being a prominent executive with a lot of prestige and power to being unemployed with far too much time on his hands. He suddenly didn’t fit into his own world. His family struggled with the adjustment of him being home around the clock and he felt a tremendous loss in his life.
I asked him one day what he thought was the perfect aspect of his situation. If only I could have caught his reaction on camera. He looked at me like I was insane! I pushed him a little for the answer. “How do you think the way the lay off and your new life have transformed is perfect for you?” Just a blank stare. Let me try this another way…
“If you were watching this from a neutral point-of-view, as if it were a movie of someone’s life, what would you say are the positives of what happened?” Then I just waited. I wanted him to give this some thought.
Finally he responded. “I would say to this man, you finally get to be part of your family.”
“Hm… tell me more,” I said.
“For years you’ve chased the corporate dream. And when you finally reached it, the corporate world kicked you in the butt. It was your family that was there for you. They loved you and supported you when your company abandoned you.”
“So,” I said, “how was this situation perfect for ‘the man’ in this movie?” His answer was simple. “It gave him a second chance at having a life.”
Now I pose the same question to you. If you were watching your life played out as a movie, what is lesson or the “Ah-Ha” of the current situation or trial you are experiencing? It’s there… you may have to dig a little to expose it. But I guarantee it is there!
Today’s challenge is to see your challenges from a different point of view. Take an emotional break from the stress and drama of the moment, and ask yourself, “What is the lesson from this trial?” Ponder it. The answer may not come immediately – perhaps you may even need to pray or meditate on it.
When the answer does come, you will be amazed at how perfect the entire situation is for you to learn what you need to learn. You will see how this was not a one-size-fits-all lesson. This is 100% tailor made for you!
If you have someone close to you that you can share with, go through this exercise with them. Sometimes it really helps to have someone you trust share their insights with you.
As this practice becomes more comfortable for you, you will gain a new perspective on all of the struggles in your life. Trials and difficulties take on a completely different meaning!
Until tomorrow friends,
Tara
You Gain Confidence by Surpassing What You Thought Was Possible.
So, I have to disclose a little something about myself. There have been times I have felt insecure, unsure of myself or lacking confidence. I still work on my confidence – it’s such a critical piece to every aspect of life. When I’m not feeling as confident or sure of myself, I can be very hard on myself. I find all of the things I’m not and forget all of the wonderful things that I am.
But I discovered a little trick. And I’m going to share it with you now.
In the moments I am focusing on my lack (lack of courage, lack of skill, lack of love, lack of… you name it), the feelings feed themselves. They grow and are fed by my attention. However, when I step out of the fear for even a moment, I can find the opportunity and courage to extend myself beyond what I thought I could. I’m not talking about jumping out of an airplane here (although that could be a possibility). I’m talking about pushing yourself a little bit further than you’ve ever been before.
Confidence comes from stretching yourself, even if is small. Little by little we grow when we reach higher than the day before.
Let me give you an example in my own life. I want to talk Salsa lessons. I’ve been talking about it for a year, saying I’m going to do it, looking for classes, finding out class fees and schedules… and yet I have taken no salsa lessons. Is it because I don’t want to do it badly enough? No, I would say my desire is quite high. So what is stopping me?
Lack of confidence. I can come up with any number of excuses why I can’t go to the lesson (I’m tired, I’ll wait until I drop a few pounds, I don’t want to go alone, I need to work late to finish a project, I forgot to get gas earlier and now it’s cold outside, etc etc). I know – pretty weak. I know these are only excuses to cover up my underlying lack of confidence. In all honesty, I’m only perpetuating the problem when I don’t exert some courage and jump in.
So my challenge to myself (and to each of you) is to find one thing today that you would like to do but have been putting off – creating obstacles to avoid doing what you really want to do. It’s time to gain some confidence and “gitt-der done”.
And guess what… tonight is Salsa night! Wish me well… I’m beating down the excuses and jumping in. I hope you’ll join me by avoiding excuses and accomplishing something that will build your confidence today.
Until next time,
Tara
We’re already whole… we just don’t know it yet.
I love learning new things about myself. You know, things like:
Why do I do this?
What made me feel this way?
Why do I respond to things certain ways?
There’s so much to me that I’m not even aware of. The cool thing is, the more I learn about myself, the more I realize I’m already complete, whole, perfect… I just don’t know it YET. I think I need to work on something or other, when in reality, I just need to discover more about myself in that area.
I was recently talking to Rebekah, my sister-in-law. She said, “One of the things I love about your family is how much you enjoy learning. All of you enjoy trying and learning a wide variety of new things.” I guess I hadn’t thought about it before. But yes… we are a family of inquisitive people.
As I pondered our conversation, I asked myself, “What do I love about me?” Unfortunately, we spend so much time thinking about what we would change or what we don’t like… it’s less common to ask what we LOVE about ourselves. We forget that we are Whole – perfect… and evolving. The last year has been a journey of self-discovery for me. In that journey, I’ve learned that I actually love a lot of things about me.
- I love that I forgive and forget easily.
- I love that I have a wide variety of interests.
- I love that I serving and helping others.
- I love that I dance when music is on.
- I love that I laugh easily and find fun and humor in most situations.
- I love that I know I can do anything I want if I’m willing to put the effort into it.
- I love that I’ve learned to treat myself with compassion, respect and appreciation.
- I love that there’s still so much to learn about myself.
You are a wonderful, fabulous, magical being with so tremendous untapped talent and abilities. In what ways are you learning love for yourself? What are you discovering about your “wholeness”?
Until next time friends,
Tara
Make a Difference By Being You
I don’t think it’s any secret that there are many problems in the world. It can seem very daunting at times, and other times it can feel doubtful that anything, let alone one person, can make a difference.
But you can help make a difference.
As Michael Meade said, “Changes in the world happen with changes in individuals.” And for change to happen in the world, it needs the unique voice and life that is you. People who have awakened to who they truly are, embrace it, and live the life they are uniquely meant to live have impact and leave the world a better place.
Thanks to Amy Oscar for sharing these beautiful words:
You-Shaped Hole
Sometimes the world feels inhospitable.
You feel all the ways that you and it don’t fit.
You see what’s missing, how it all could be different.
You feel as if you weren’t meant for the world, or the world wasn’t meant for you.
As if the world is “the way it is” and your discomfort with it a problem.
So you get timid. You get quiet about what you see.
But what if this? What if you are meant
to feel the world is inhospitable, unfriendly, off-track
in just the particular ways that you do?
The world has a you-shaped hole in it.
It is missing what you see.
It lacks what you know.
And so you were called into being.
To see the gap, to feel the pain of it, and to fill it.
Filling it is speaking what is missing.
Filling it is stepping into the center of the crowd, into a clearing, and saying, here, my friends, is the future.
Filling it is being what is missing, becoming it.
You don’t have to do it all, but you do have to speak it.
You have to tell your slice of the truth.
You do have to walk toward it with your choices, with your own being.
Then allies and energies will come to you like fireflies swirling around a light.
The roughness of the world, the off-track-ness, the folly that you see,
these are the most precious gifts you will receive in this lifetime.
They are not here to distance you from the world, but to guide you
into your contribution to it.
The world was made with a you-shaped hole in it.
In that way you are important.
In that way you are here to make the world.
In that way you are called.
- Tara Sophia Mohr
One more thought from Michael Meade: ”If you don’t live the unique life you came to live, no one else will ever live it.”
Today, live the unique life you were meant to live. Give voice to the unique way you see things. Share your unique talents. Spread your unique light and fill the you-shaped hole in the world. It will make a difference.
love and light,
Jennafer
Trust Your Gut Feeling
Isn’t it interesting that we often don’t listen to our gut feel because it’s not what we want to hear? When our intuition is in line with what we want, we follow our internal guidance easily. When it tells us something different, we fight it, look for excuses or second guess ourselves.
When I think of some of the most challenging times in my life, they are always after a time when I got an answer but didn’t follow it.
It’s interesting that, in those moments, I always “know” but I don’t trust myself. And if the answer isn’t what I want, I start the cycle of confusion: ask everyone around me for their opinion, worry, try to convince myself I don’t know what to do, feel sick, negotiate with myself to change the answer. It must be really frustrating to my heavenly helpers who are trying to direct me to a smoother path!
- Am I going to struggle over the boulders or take the smooth path?
When I trust guidance and my intuition and go with it, it works out. Not sometimes… always.
What guidance are you not accepting right now? Are you trying to negotiate a different path? It’s time to travel the smoother path.
Until next time friends,
Tara
Choose to Let Go
Growing up, I loved to sing and perform, and I often did so in choirs and plays at school and in my community. I loved it so much, that I took a chance and auditioned to attend the Los Angeles County High School for the Arts—and I was delighted when they accepted me. I began my sophomore year of high school there, believing the integration of arts with academics would be the best school experience of my life.
But I quickly learned that my beliefs were incorrect. While I made good friends, had great experiences, and enjoyed the arts portion of my schooling a great deal, I found myself unchallenged—even bored—in the academic arena. Supported by my parents, I chose academics over the arts, letting go of the opportunity to attend that school and returning to my former high school for the remainder of the year. It was a bittersweet decision for me at 15, but letting go of that opportunity opened the way for other challenges and led to other opportunities. And even though I sometimes wonder, “What if I’d stayed? Where would I be today?” I haven’t ever regretted that decision.
When you come up against a roadblock, change, challenge or disappointment, you really have three options: try to change it, remove yourself from it, or let it go. I know many people who feel that last option is being weak, that letting go is somehow the same as giving up. But letting go can be a powerful action that brings greater peace of mind, and it actually takes a great deal of strength. When you choose to let go—of being right, of resentment or regret, of your own agenda or plans, etc.—and I mean really let go, you are choosing peace of mind. And you can discover a world of possibilities you didn’t know existed.
What have you chosen to let go of lately? How did it increase your peace of mind? Let us know by sharing in a comment.
And if you’re not sure where to start when it comes to letting go, I recommend checking out this fantastic list of 40 things you can do to let go for some useful tips.
Love and light,
Jennafer
3 Ways Intuition Communicates with Us
Listening to your intuition is an incredibly helpful way to navigate life as well as connect to yourself, others, and something bigger than you. But it can be difficult to listen to our intuition among all the other things that vie for our attention each day. And it can be even more difficult to listen to our intuition when we’re not entirely sure how it speaks to us.
Here are three ways intuition communicates with us. Learning them will help you better develop and trust your intuition.
1. Intuition speaks to us through synchronicities.
Not just the title to an album from The Police in the 80s, synchronicities are “meaningful coincidences of outer and inner events that are not themselves causally connected. The emphasis lies on the word ‘meaningful’. (Marie Louise von Franz)
Whenever two or more independent incidences of a theme/topic repeat, it could be a synchronicity. I’ve had incidences of synchronicities with everything from books I should read to a new way to look at relationships. They can come from a phrase or sentence jumping out when reading to a friend saying just what you need to hear… anything. Intuition speaks through these meaningful coincidences, so being mindful of synchonicities is key to getting an answer you’re looking for. As Carl Jung said, “Synchronicity reveals the meaningful connections between the subjective and objective world.”
Try it: Put synchronicities to the test through this exercise:
After getting quiet and asking the divine/your guides/your higher self/your intuition a question, pay close attention for the next 24-48 hours to the conversation you have with others, the entertainment you watch/listen to, and the things you read. If you notice repeats of the same theme or topic happening independently of one another, then it could be an answer for you.
2. Intuition speaks to us through “clairs”.
As one of my mentors, Alice Langholt, says, the “clairs” are one of the key ways we receive information from our intuition. A prefix meaning “clearly or clear”, ”clair” is added onto other sensory words to describe the intuitive ways we receive information, guidance, or answers. Whether you clearly hear, see, feel, or know something without explanation, such as just knowing someone isn’t being honest or hearing a voice telling you to take a class to learn something new, this is another key way your intuition speaks to you.
clairvoyance = clearly seeing
clairaudience = clearly hearing
clairsentience = clearly feeling
claircognizence = clearly knowing
clairalience = clearly smelling
clairgustance = clearly tasting
Try it: Not sure which “clair” your intuition speaks through? Try this exercise to find out.
Get quiet. Take a few deep breaths. Ask the divine/your guides/your higher self/your intuition a question. Then pay attention to what you hear, see, feel, etc. to experience an answer. Which clair comes through for you?
3. Intuition speaks through symbols/dreams.
Dreams can hold the keys to our unconscious and are often the language of intuition. Look for recurring items and symbols in your dreams in terms of
1) what they actually do (for example, a car is a mode of transportation),
2) what they mean to you (a car may mean freedom, independence, mobility, etc.), and
3) what they may represent in society or mythology (a car can mean status, industry, performance, etc).
Then see what that item or symbol is doing in your dream to see what your intuition could be telling you.
Try it: Try this exercise to consciously call on your dreams to speak to you.
As you get ready for bed, take a few moments to get quiet. Take a few deep breaths. Ask the divine/your guides/your higher self/your intuition a question. Then pay attention to what dreams you have that night and write them down first thing the next morning. Did anything in your dream serve as an answer?
There you have it: three ways that intuition speaks to you. Understanding them will better help you to listen to your intuition for guidance, and listening more to your intuition will help your trust in it grow.
love and light,
Jennafer
Act on Your First Thought – 4 Tips
Have you ever gotten the gut feel and then either didn’t follow it or questioned it? If so, we’re just alike. Yes, I admit I’m an over-thinker. It’s one of those things that drives me crazy about myself.
I’ve been thinking about times in my life when I just went with the first thought or flash of inspiration. It amazes me how time after time everything just worked out. The details fell into place.
Take, for instance, when I felt led to open a wellness center. It was beyond anything I had done before, but I jumped in and followed my initial “hit”. It felt like the process was on autopilot. The equipment I needed became available at a better price than I expected. The facility was available at the perfect time with all of the features I needed. The perfect employees came in looking for a job that fit their training and expertise (and happened to be exactly what I needed). Time after time everything just worked.
A couple of years ago, I felt inspired to visit the Sounds True website. I love some of the products Sounds True produces and was interested in what was currently available. When I saw they had a job posted that I was perfect for, I knew without a doubt that I would work for Sounds True. And sure enough, every detail fell into place with relative ease. Not to say that there were no obstacles, but the obstacles did not feel challenging or overwhelming. I was doing exactly what I was inspired to do so the details did not feel like roadblocks. They were solved relatively easily.
Unfortunately, I have plenty of examples of when I didn’t act on my first thought. Those stories are laced with pain, difficulty, frustration and anguish. In fact, I can often tell how off base I am by how frustrated I am in trying to work out the details. Solutions don’t come easily and every problem I encounter feels overwhelming. It’s drastically different than the feeling I have when I go with my first thought.
So, how do we trust that gut feel? I’d be lying if I said it’s easy and I always do it. I don’t – but I’m working on it and trusting my instinct is becoming easier. Here are some suggestions:
1. Practice feeling. Consciously make a decision to listen for the first thought and then go with it, even if it doesn’t make sense in the moment. See what happens. Part of being able to listen is being in the habit of “feeling” and not always thinking.
2. Ask for a gut feel. I do this many times a day – both silently and verbally. I will pose a question and the first idea that comes into my mind is the answer I go with. The more I do this, the better my interpretation skills become.
3. Watch others. You’ll become more aware of how others solve problems. You’ll see that “lucky” people are often the ones who listen to their gut. You’ll also see people who don’t trust their first thought and the complicated lives they lead. It’s quite shocking, actually. With time, you will be amazed at what you see.
4. Write down your results. It may feel, day by day, that you’re not making headway. However, if you write down a few things everyday (what worked, what didn’t, thoughts you had, how you responded, etc), you’ll soon find that you’re making more progress than you realized. It also helps to see patterns and areas for improvement.
If you’re feeling frustrated, know you’re not alone. We are all in this together. We’re all working together to have a more intuitive, flowing life.
Until next time friends,
Tara
2 Tips to Help You Enjoy Each Moment
Like my friend Tara, I sometimes have a hard time living in the moment. Not only am I a planner, list maker, and goal maker, I’m a full participant in our fast-paced, multi-tasking world. It’s not uncommon for me to be working on a dozen tasks at once in one form or another. I’m not kidding—more often than not, if our office IT professional (hi Tom!) has to fix something on my computer, he has to first close a dozen windows of various emails and documents just to get started. It’s been a little out of control.
But lately, some synchronistic signs have been telling me that I need to slow down and not just be in the moment, but live it and enjoy it as well. But how do you do that when there are so many things demanding your time and attention? And all at once? Here are two tips you can try today to not just live in the moment but enjoy it too.
1. Try doing just one thing at a time. Enjoying the moment means focusing on it, and that’s difficult to do when you’re doing more than one thing at a time. Try leaving the multitasking madness behind just for an afternoon or evening. Let go of the need to do a few things at once, and focus on each task individually—even relaxing—relishing the moment by focusing on it. You’ll find yourself enjoying even the most mundane tasks, and you’ll find that attention makes the end results all that much better for your efforts. As Todd Henry says, “The greatest efforts in life are done with singular attention.”
2. Shut out thoughts about the future temporarily. Even if your body is only doing one task at a time, that doesn’t mean your mind is cooperating. It’s pretty normal for our thoughts to wander. But to truly enjoy the now, your mind needs to be there as much as your body. How do you keep that mind on the now? According to Richard Moss, when we recognize we’re not in the present, concentrating on what we see, hear and experience in that precise moment will bring us back. This is also the way we can tame our egos and not let them take us out of the present into Worry Land. Once our brains are experiencing the moment, it’s much easier to enjoy it. Try it once or twice today when you catch your mind wandering or concentrating on worries. See if it helps you enjoy the moment more.
I hope these tips help you in your quest to live in and enjoy the moment more. Try them and leave a comment letting us know how it went. Or, if you have other tips to share, please leave a comment and share—we can always use more! (I obviously need to follow these tips because as I sit here typing I’m also watching TV and icing my bum knee. Oh, well, I’m learning too…)
Spend the Day With God
Today, as a special treat to yourself, I invite you to spend the day with God. I don’t mean separate yourself from the world and live in 24-hour silence. I am suggesting we focus a day where we invite God into every aspect of our lives.
As a child, I was taught the importance of prayer. There were steps to prayer – even a song that taught me how to bow my head, close my eyes and fold my arms. When it was time to say bedtime prayers, I was taught to kneel. I can’t tell you how many prayers ended in me falling asleep at the side of my bed. But I think God understood the intention of my heart.
While we didn’t use recited prayers in my family, we had specific ways to start and close the prayer and a pattern to fill in the middle. I’m grateful for this teaching because I learned to love communicating with God. I knew I was heard when I said those special words. It gave me a foundation to build my relationship with Heaven.
Now that I’m grown, I’ve altered my prayer patterns. I may not be as precise in the method. But I communicate more regularly. If I have a thought in my mind or a question in my heart, I’ll have a conversation with God. It may be a few seconds or it may be an hour or more. I may be driving, filling the dishwasher or taking the dogs for a walk. It doesn’t matter the conditions I’m in or if I’m speaking out loud or even just thinking the prayer, God is always there. He answers questions on all types of topics and He explains things I don’t understand. He comforts me when I’m struggling. He encourages me when I’m fearful. He laughs with me when something funny happens. He empowers me when I’m feeling weak.
With this new understanding, spending the day with God because more natural. We don’t have to stop when we’re doing or alienate ourselves in a vow of silence. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. God just asks for us to need Him and call on Him. Isn’t that a cool relationship?! The more we reach out and involve Him, the more He’s there. He doesn’t wear out. He doesn’t get tired of helping. He doesn’t have other things that are more important than you and me. He’s always there. He’s always ready. And He wants the best for us, no matter what!
I need more of that relationship in my life! I’ll admit I’ve been so busy and distracted the last couple of weeks that, even though prayer is normally a natural part of my life, I’ve been disconnected. I miss our talks. I miss feeling the support, love, compassion. It’s right there and I’m ready to ask for it.
So that’s where our day with God comes in. I need it and I suspect you may, too. I’m making a conscious shift in behavior today to spend more heart time with God… to express my love and my thanks, to receive His unconditional love and strength. It’s a day for my soul to rejoice.
I invite you to join me. Please share your thoughts and experiences. I’ll do the same.
Until next time friends,
Tara
Am I Manifesting My Potential?
I just returned from my hometown to visit my parents’ graves for Memorial Day. It was an excellent trip that included time with family, 16 hours of driving and plenty of reflection time. I enjoy road trips. It gives me a chance to listen to audiobooks, clear my head and pray. It’s my chance to do the things I don’t always make enough time for in my day-to-day life.
On my way yesterday, I played back a recording of a session I had with one of my mentors, Linda Howe. Linda is an incredibly intuitive, kind, loving woman. She has, on many instances, shared insights with me that changed my life. This session was no different.
We were discussing what changes I wanted to make when I prepare to find the mate I will spend the rest of my life with. I made some significant errors in my first selection and I want to be better prepared the second time around. Linda said, “You have the ability to see past a person’s current behavior and see their potential. In the case of your first husband, you married his potential.”
Linda continued, “The next time around, you will only marry someone if he is already manifesting his potential. He doesn’t have to be perfect, but he does have to be living in a way that is congruent with his beliefs and statements. If he tells you something, he backs it up with his actions. If he believes something, it shows in his day to day living.”
I turned my iPod off and pondered her words for many miles. She is so right. This is the foundation of honest, stable, consistent future with someone. It doesn’t stop with the relationship with a spouse. I think this is what we look for in all of our relationships. Whether at work, at home, or in our community, we need to associate with people who are manifesting their potential.
Of course, I couldn’t help but ask myself if I’m manifesting my own potential. It’s not fair to expect that of others in my life if I’m not walking the talk myself.
It made me so happy (not shallow happy, but soul level happy) to realize that on the most important issues in my life, I am manifesting my potential. I’m certainly not saying I’m “there” or anywhere near being finished with my progression. But I am living my daily life in a way that reflects my priorities.
I love God. My relationship with God is the most important element of my life. I consistently look for opportunities to communicate with Heavenly and follow the promptings I receive. Headed in the right direction? Check!
I have great compassion and respect for others. My heart swells when I can take part in improving someone’s life or circumstances. I actively find ways to encourage, love and support others. On the path? Check!
I cherish my family. Spending quality time with those I love is critical for my joy and sanity. I spend as much time with them as possible. I pray for them. I reach out to them. Making a valiant effort? Check!
I find fulfillment in my work. I believe it is important to carry my life’s mission to my career / professional life. I’m love sharing my talents in way that improves the lives of others. Work life and soul life are strengthening each other? Check!
I take care of myself on a spiritual, emotional and physical level. I’ve made great strides in this area. I still have work to do, though. It’s been a challenge for me. I can nurture and love others, but tend to be overly critical of myself. I’m really happy with the progress I’ve made. Seeing growth in this area? Check!
So my final thought for today: Celebrate the ways in which you are manifesting your potential. Realize that in so many ways, you are living in a way to reach your potential in the areas that are the most important to YOU. I have no doubt that you will see that you are doing an amazing job at living in congruency with that you value. And if you find that there are areas that could use a little work, you can start to make changes.
Until next time,
Tara
Live in the Moment
As a person who is almost addicted to making goals, viewing her dreams poster, creating plans and reviewing her bucket list, living in the moment has often been difficult for me. Visualizing potential or possibilities comes second nature; being grounded in the here and now is a challenge. So once again, this post is a message to me and I hope you find personal meaning in the lesson, too.
This week the message of living in the moment has been especially poignant for me. I learned this lesson from a very special 12-year old girl who, in just a few weeks, stole a piece of my heart and changed my life forever. About four months ago I began volunteering for the Make a Wish Foundation as a wishgranter. My job is to work with a child who has a life-threatening illness to make a wish come true. Yes, in a way, I get to be their fairy godmother. As with most things, I entered this role thinking I could really help others and make a difference in their lives. Little did I realize how deeply my life would be impacted. I will never be the same.
I met Lauren about six weeks ago. She was a beautiful young woman who was struggling to recover from a heart transplant that didn’t seem to be taking. She was very weak and hanging on for dear life. We met to discuss her wish and she decided she wanted to go to DisneyWorld. I’ll be honest – I had little hope her doctor would allow her to go to DisneyWorld. She was barely surviving. She couldn’t hold herself up in her wheelchair, she couldn’t speak and she appeared to be miserable. A miracle happened. Within a week we had the thumbs up – Lauren and her family were going to DisneyWorld, but they had to go within the next three weeks.
My wishgranting partner and I, along with an incredible Make a Wish staff, put the plans into high gear to get her ready for DisneyWorld. By the time we had her going away party, just six days before they left, Lauren was walking with help, smiling, talking, actively involved in the party and enjoying the love of her family and friends. Nearly 100 people showed up to express their love for her and share in her wish. It was amazing to see the impact she had made on so many lives in just her short twelve years.
I saw Lauren’s family one more time before their trip – just two days before they left. Lauren looked like a completely different girl. She was laughing, engaging and full of life. She was moving around completely on her own. I told her mother that it was a miracle to see Lauren’s improvement from just three weeks before. She was so excited for her trip and she wanted to be able to walk and ride the rides while she was at DisneyWorld. Her brothers and sister were so excited to go, too! It was fun to watch them talk about what they were going to do and how they couldn’t wait to go. Her mother said, “We are going to cherish every moment.”
I thought about them often during the week. I prayed numerous times that they would have a fun time and Lauren would have the strength to enjoy the trip.
The next news I received was that the family returned home from their trip the following Tuesday evening and Lauren passed away on Friday. Just three days after having her wish come true. She was able to enjoy her trip and do everything they planned. But she took a drastic turn for the worse when they got home. My heart broke and rejoiced, all at once. It broke for the loss of such an amazing, courageous, brave young woman and family who will miss her terribly. My heart rejoiced for the chance to have known her, to see her wish come true and for her family to have lasting joyful memories of their last week together.
Lauren has forever changed my life. She has taught me that every moment is precious. Every moment is powerful. Every moment counts. This moment, right now, is all I can be sure of. It’s what I make of this moment that will matter in moments to come. Living my life to the full potential of each moment has taken on a whole new meaning. I don’t mean that I have to go 100 miles an hour every moment of every day – that’s not the point. The point is that I want to be fully immerse in the present. I want to enjoy the peace and tranquility of quiet moments. I want to embrace the excitement and thrill of energetic events. I want to envelope myself in work time. Whatever situation I find myself in, I want to live in the moment.
Thank you for sharing this moment with me. I appreciate you sharing in this journey we’re taking, the journey to fully embrace life and focus on the now. May we all be more positive, powerful and happy!
Until next time friends,
Tara
Follow Your Dreams
It happens so often, I shouldn’t be surprised or shocked when a message I need to get shows up in several ways. I’m having one of these experiences today. It started with a massage this morning laced with intuitive thoughts from the massage therapist telling me I need to let go of excuses and move forward towards my dreams. Then I got a couple of texts from Jennafer Martin encouraging me to be confident in myself and my plans.
The final straw was when I sat down to write my post today and pulled out a card from Carolin Myss’ Wisdom for Healing card set for inspiration. The randomly selected card is entitled, “Follow Your Dreams.” Is Heaven talking to me today? Yes, in a big way!
Carolyn Myss shares the following thought on her card:
“Today’s Lesson: Point out one special dream of ambition that you’ve vacillated about or postponed.
What has motivated you to put positive actions on hold?
Your goal: to determine whether your excuse is real, and if not, identify the real reason you’ve delayed so that you can do something about it.”
Admittedly, today’s post is directed more to myself. My hope is that you will benefit from it, too, and share your thoughts about following your dreams.
In my teens and early 20′s, I was flowing with dreams, visions and plans. Then something happened – I began to loose my passion for life. Whether it was work stress, having a difficult marriage, or allowing myself to get weighed down with daily life, I found myself living in survival mode. I was just getting by day to day. My health took a tole, my confidence was beat down and my courage disappeared. My dreams were lost… or so I thought.
Now I find myself at a starting point. I’m at a place where I can breath again, where colors are a little brighter, the air a little cleaner and the smile on my face is a little bigger. And I can dream again. It feels so good to say that!
I Can Dream Again… and I’m ready to Live My Dreams!
Are you ready to follow your dreams? I hope you’ll join me on this journey. I love being inspired by others – people who have a dream and go for it. I’m going to be part of that group. I have exciting, awesome plans and goals that I’m going to accomplish because I’m ready to live the life my soul intended!
What dreams have become dormant in your life? What goals would bring more excitement and passion into your heart? Let me share some of my short-term plans (uh oh… here’s come the accountability):
1. Get my website finished with top-rate hypnosis programs available (coming soon… hypnosisbytara.com)
2. Start my herb garden
3. Get fit by doing Zumba 3 times/week and strength training 2 times/week
4. Finish my book, I’m Taking My Life Back
5. Spend 30 minutes a day in the sun breathing and meditating
Whoa! It feels so good to share my plans. Thanks for letting me share today. I’ll keep you posted on my progress, and ask that you share your plans and thoughts, as well.
Until next time,
Tara
Use Your Imagination
“Imagination is the beginning of creation. You imagine what you desire, you will what you imagine, and at last you create what you will.” – George Bernard Shaw
Previously, I challenged you to accentuate the positive, with one of the ways to do that being describing what you’d like to see happen. But sometimes that’s a challenge if you haven’t done that before. And it all starts with your imagination.
Every invention began in someone’s imagination. Someone wondered “what if…?” and started the process of creating something no one had created before simply by imagining. We can do the same thing with our lives. What do you want? More energy? Balance? Time for yourself? Imagine it and give it energy. Even if you’re concerned that you’ll never get it or think the likelihood of getting it is low, try it and see how it goes.
“Instead of imagining the best [outcome], many people are in fear and imagine all the things that can go wrong.” – Rhonda Byrne
Thoughts have energy just like words. And your imagination is your thoughts with pizazz. Try these three steps to creating a better life:
1. Picture it. Whatever you want, sit for five minutes and imagine what it would be like if you had it. What images do you see? What colors come up? What sounds do you hear? If blocks or challenges come up, set them aside and continue.
2. Feel it. Now that you’ve pictured it, what feelings come up during your imaginings? Did you feel peaceful? Happy? Strong? Pay attention to the feelings that come up and hold onto them. The sights you picture are important, but feelings can energize those thoughts in a way that pictures alone cannot do.
“It’s not what you know, but how you feel about what you know, that motivates you.” – Unknown
3. Create it. Now that you’ve imagined it, set out to create it. Keep in mind the pictures you imagined and keep the feelings you imagined in your heart. Then plan small, realistic steps you can take to make it happen, keeping focused on what you imagined. It may not be everything you imagined—in fact, the outcome could surprise you because it could turn out to be even more than what you imagined. But you will have created something that shortly before had only been in your mind. And your life will be enriched because of it.
What can you imagine today to make your life more what you want it to be? Try it and see.
“The world is but a canvas to our imagination.” – Henry David Thoreau
Allowing Synchronicity
Last week I was talking to my friend about how difficult life had been for many years. It felt like everything I did was met with opposition and nothing “flowed”. It was a daily “banging my head against the wall” and never making positive progress. It was discouraging, exhausting and overwhelming. I had gone against my intuition and made decisions that were logical, not gut-based. As a result, nothing seemed to happen easily. Every day was worse than the day before. It was a time when there was no synchronicity, no flow, no positive results. Everything I did was met with obstacles and road blocks. The more determined I was to make the situation work, the more challenging it become.
There have also been several periods in my life when everything just happened easily. When I opened my wellness center, I knew I was on track because the plans fell together. Everything I needed just seemed to show up. I wanted an affordable space with plenty of parking and that was easy to get to from the main road. Sure enough – the space showed up and the landlord was fantastic to work with.
I need equipment that was used but was still in great shape. A friend just happened to mention a company she had worked with that specialized in re-selling equipment from spas and fitness centers that were closing. I contacted them and they had just that week received the exact equipment I was looking for (equipment that was not very common). I bought it for less than I had even hoped.
I needed someone to work part-time and wanted someone who was mature and responsible. The second day the wellness center was open, a gal came in with a very strong health background who wanted to work 20 hours a week. She was exactly what I was looking for and yet she found me!
As I think back over my life, it’s the times that I am sensitive to flow that life just happens. Synchronicity is like that. When we need to control life too much, we shut down the ease with which synchronicity can happen. I’m amazed at how many of my clients will tell me they felt they should do one thing but decided to do something different. And when they moved through the different decision, life was challenging, frustrating and discouraging. Ironically, they often don’t see that they disregarded their gut feel that would have led them down a much easier, positive track.
Just last week I was talking to a client and suggesting we do some EFT, a technique somewhat similar to acupuncture that allows energy to flow smoothly. We discussed what he was trying to create in his life and I felt his meridians were blocked, stopping the flow of abundance to happen. He said, “I had that thought yesterday and I wasn’t even sure what that meant. Then later someone said I needed acupuncture or something like that. Now you’re telling me my energy is blocked and I need to open it with this form of acupuncture. It’s odd that I keep hearing this form so many directions.” I don’t think it’s odd at all. That’s one way synchronicity works. We experience similar conversations, thoughts, spiritual guidance that opens us up to what is best for us. He could choose to say no. He could deny the inspiration. After all, this is out of his comfort zone. He’s never done energy work and it’s completely beyond what his scientific mind believes. It would be understandable if he said he didn’t want to do EFT or energy work and would just stick with affirmations.
Instead, he is allowing the flow to happen in his life. He’s accepting that there is more for him and heaven is showing up to give him new tools to create a better life. While this may feel like a small event, it’s a reminder that he is in sync. This is a step into the unknown and may feel uncomfortable. However, life rewards courage. When you take that step into unfamiliar territory, heaven shows up in a big way. It provides support, resources, guidance and help when we follow the inspiration we receive.
So how do we allow synchronicity? Is it just an odd occurrence that happens once in awhile – something we have no role in producing? Or is synchronicity a power we can harness and use to our advantage on a regular basis?
I’ve participated in synchronicity lessons my whole life (both allowing and blocking synchronicity). I’ve also witnessed many clients who have had of times of free-flow synchronicity and times of consistent obstacles. I fully believe we can invite and allow synchronicity in lives. Here’s how:
1. Are you on track? If things are not falling together easily, that’s usually a significant signal that it’s time to make changes. Take a step back and look at what things are showing up as stumbling blocks. Are those blocks there to slow you down and allow you to re-consider? Do you need to change direction? I believe, for the most part, challenges show up when we are not in alignment with what we should be doing or how we are doing it. Take time to stop and evaluate. And don’t be afraid to alter your plans. If it’s not working, don’t keep going. Stop and fix it.
2. Did you listen to your gut feel? I’m surprised at how often people will tell me they felt they should do something but didn’t do it. They get inspiration but they start to doubt or second guess themselves. Usually things don’t work out when they go against the intuitive hit they got. What have you been told, either through your gut feel or intuition, that you’re not following? It is so important to have some quiet every day to create time and space to get answers to questions or problems. Once those answers come, act on it. Very rarely (if ever) do I hear someone say they regretted following their first hit – that quiet, yet powerful second of instruction and direction. When you get that inspiration, allow it to become the beginning of a long-line of synchronicity.
3. Do you allow others to help you? A few years ago, I found myself in a very unsafe home environment and had to move without a lot of notice or planning. It wasn’t even a situation where I could recruit family to help me. Normally, I’m a very independent woman. But in this situation, I needed help and I needed it fast. Once I got the heavenly signal it was time to go, I listened. It felt as if my angels had lined up person after person to help me. The more I welcomed and appreciated the help, the more the help showed up. It was nothing short of a miracle. I could have turned the help away or tried to do everything on my own. If I had done that, I’m sure I would have closed down the flow that had been arranged for my life. Instead, the more I gratefully received the help, the easier the move went. Are you willing to let others be part of your synchronicity?
4. Will you give it your all? Synchronicity is not about sitting back in a lawn chair while someone fans you and feeds you bon-bons. Synchronicity is about being in alignment with a higher plan, knowing that you are on the right path to have, be, do and give the best. Synchronicity brings the best life to you. It may not be the life you anticipate, but it’s the best life you can imagine. You need to be an active participant in manifesting this flow. The harder you work (assuming you’re on track, headed in the right direction), the more things will come to you. When you listen to your intuitive guidance and move full speed ahead, synchronicity will show up in a big way!
One more thought… synchronicity requires trust. It requires you to step into the unknown and trust that the resources you need will be available and the people you need will show up. Usually, it’s just at the right moment, which can be scary. We like to have the security of having what we need ahead of time, but synchronicity doesn’t always work that way. We get what we need just when we need it. It takes a brave person to trust at this level.
I know you can do it.
Until next time,
Tara
Improving Your Mood with Color
We all have days when we just don’t feel like ourselves. You know what I mean… the kind of day that you want to close the curtains, crawl back into bed and hide from the world. Unfortunately, that’s usually not possible. Life must go on, even if we don’t feel like joining in the world of the living.
So what can you do on a day when you’re feeling less than enthusiastic and you need to get a quick mood adjustment. Sure, you could reach for an energy drink or coffee. How about trying something more healthy, easier and longer lasting. How about using color to improve your mood?
Colors vibrate at distinct levels. As you become more aware of the colors you surround yourself with, you’ll find that you’re often reacting based on those colors. Think of how you feel even just imaging a beautiful beach with smooth white sand, gorgeous green palm trees backed by a brilliant blue sky filled with fluffy white clouds. Ahhh… so relaxing.
Now imagine a dark, musty room with just a small light in the far-off corner. Notice how heavy and dense it feels to be in the room – it is almost depressing. How thick does this environment feel to you? It doesn’t feel good for many reasons, but a big part of the emotion comes from the colors in each scenario.
Let’s look at what some of the most common colors typically mean:
But wait. How can you use color in your world to improve your mood?
I’m so glad you asked…
1. Brighten up your wardrobe. Wearing brighter, energetic colors will improve your mood. If you’re starting the day out feeling tired, discouraged or with little energy, adding red, orange or yellow will help you have a more sunny disposition.
2. Add color to your surroundings. Colorful, beautiful pillows, pictures, and decor will help raise the vibration in your space and help you feel more cheerful.
3. Eat colorful fruits and vegetables. Colors all vibrate at different levels and the brighter, more intense the color, the higher the vibration. This includes the vibrations of food. Increasing the vibration of the foods going into your body will help improve how your feel physically and emotionally.
4. Enjoy the colors of nature. Spend some time outside in colorful, stunning natural settings. Take some time to breathe in (literally and figuratively) the pure, intense colors found in the world around you.
If your life has been rather bland, you may find that adding color feels odd or even uncomfortable at first. However, with time and a little effort, you will find that color elevates your life in ways you can’t even imagine. You’ll feel better, think better and have more energy in all aspects of your life.
Trust me… you’ll love it!
Until next time friends,
Tara
The Feng Shui of Spring Cleaning
I never really understood why spring cleaning was such a big deal. When I was a child, every woman I knew kept their home clean on a regular basis and I didn’t see why they had to deep clean every spring. It made no sense to me.
By the time I was a teenager, I didn’t give it much thought. My mother did most of the spring cleaning herself and the few things I was asked to do were minor. Her cleaning plan didn’t affect me much and it had become part of the spring routine.
As an adult, I finally get it! The long days of winter are over. The promises of sunshine, clean air and a fresh start are carried in on the bright spring breeze that fills the house. Our souls are renewed by the literal and symbolic cleaning of our living spaces.
Winter energy begins to feel stagnant after the first of the year. It is stale. The spring energy that briskly moves in becomes a celebration for the soul. It allows us to feel renewed, fresh, rejuvenated and open to new possibilities. On a soul level, spring offers a chance for a new beginning. It carries to power of life – flowers are blooming, trees are blossoming. Our souls are becoming more alive and enlightened.
In my work with clients, I love to see the transformation that starts in the spring. The manifestation of goals and dreams expands drastically this time of year. In fact, I want to name April and May the Law of Attraction months! It’s exciting and amazing to see how plans that have been dormant for months suddenly get the power and energy to become reality. It’s phenomenal!
Here are some things you can do to bring this spring energy into your life and allow your soul to expand:
1. Open the windows and turn on the fans. Get the air moving. This one step is a significant element to get stale energy moving. If possible, do this every morning and evening! Allow the breeze to improve the vibration of your living space (and at work, if possible).
2. Remove clutter. Having excess “stuff” in your environment stops the flow of energy. Feng Shui is based on allowing energy to move easily through a space. If you have items impeding this movement, it will affect you emotionally and physically. It’s a great time to have a yard sale or box things up to give to charity.
3. Spend some time in the sun. Vitamin D levels are often at very low levels this time of year, leaving us feeling tired, lethargic, and sad. Increasing our Vitamin D levels through natural sunlight will drastically change your energy and your lookout. When you feel better physically and emotionally, you naturally want your living space to raise in vibration. You feel better in a clean, organized environment and you’ll have more drive and stamina to clean when you have adequate Vitamin D intake. It will improve all aspects of your life!
4. Use natural substances to clean your home. Chemical cleaners have so many harsh effects, as well as strong fragrances. My favorite cleaner is one part water, one part vinegar and a few drops of essential oils (lemon, cinnamon, geranium and lavender all have disinfecting qualities that will help kill germs). This mixture may be even better at killing germs than some of the popular cleansers sold at your local market. Plus, the cost is substantially less (always a plus in my book)! For more suggestions and ideas, I recommend a fantastic website: http://winemaiden.com/2009/01/29/make-your-own-natural-and-effective-household-cleansers/
5. Diffuse essential oils in your home. Essential oils vibrate at an extremely high level – the higher the vibration, the most positive the effect on your energy, mood and mental clarity. I love to use citrus oils in the spring. There is nothing like the sweet smell of oranges, lemons, limes and grapefruit to energize and empower you. Essential oils affect us on every level – physical, mental and spiritual. I recommend oils on a regular basis to my clients because oils help people let go of old hurts, pains and disappointments. That space in a person’s life can than be filled with happiness, joy, confidence, passion, excitement, drive and fulfillment. Diffusing citrus oils in your home will help with disinfecting the air while elevating moods, calming emotions, and strengthening your immune system. I personally use doTerra oils as I feel they are the highest quality and most pure oils on the market. Click here to go to the doTerra site.
I love this time of year! Good luck making this spring a door to an amazing year!
Until next time friends,
Tara
Aaahhh… I Just Need a Good Night’s Sleep
I have to admit, I’ve really become a bad sleeper. I don’t know how it started… I was a great sleeper as a child. I sleep soundly when I was a teenager. Even into my mid-twenties, I was a deep sleeper. But something has really changed, and not for the better.
Part of my problem is not having a sleep schedule. When I finally am done with my day, I want to relax a little and watch some TV. I relax so much that I fall asleep on the couch and wake up at 2 or 3 in the morning cold, cranky and with a kinked neck. That’s not good sleep!
Then I proceed to bed. By the time I brush my teeth and get ready to lay down, I’m wide awake. Oh Great! How am I supposed to sleep when my mind is running a mile a minute?!
When I finally fall back asleep at 4 or 5, I sleep sound for an hour or two and then start a crazy busy day. I don’t feel rested in the morning or rejuvenated.
Are you having the same problem? Do you find that your schedule or something you’re doing is keeping you from sleeping? Maybe problems or worries are keeping you up. Regardless, we’re in the boat, friend! And we need a life vest in the form of sleep.
So here’s my commitment to myself:
1. No food, drinks, or snacks at 9:00 pm. Not only does it create bathroom visits during the night, food also stimulates many body and mind activities and may make it difficult to fall asleep.
2. No exercising after 8:00 pm. Exercise gets me too revved up to be able to wind down at a decent hour.
3. Stick to a schedule. I would like to be in bed at 10:30pm. With that goal in mind, 10:00 I will start getting everything ready for a quiet night, brush my teeth and put my pajamas on and lay down (in bed) by 10:30pm.
4 . Read or listen to an audio before falling asleep. One of the problems I have is my mind starts racing and thinking of 100 ideas or things I need to do the next thing. Having a plan to distract it will help me sleep easier.
5. Create physical exhaustion. Exercise every day to create the need for my body to sleep.
Do you have any creative solutions to induce sleep? I’d love to hear them!
Until next time,
Tara
Accentuate the Positive
If you think about the last time you didn’t like a movie, a meal, or something someone said, I bet you’ll recall it was fairly easy to identify what it was about it you didn’t like. It’s usually easy to pick out and even criticize what we don’t like about something or someone. And while it’s useful to identify why things don’t work so you can learn from them and/or avoid them in the future, getting caught up in criticizing can lead to a lot of negativity. I know there’ve been times when I’ve started to criticize in order to vent, only to find myself quickly in the midst of a Gripe Fest, with me ending up feeling more frustrated than relieved.
It’s easy to criticize. That’s why “everyone’s a critic”. What isn’t easy is keeping things positive. It takes a lot more energy to emphasize the positive. But how much more enriching would our interactions be if we ditched criticizing for a bit and accentuated the positive? That’s what I’m challenging you to try today. Not forever. Just today. We’ll call it a little experiment. Here’s three tricks you can try in your conversations that will help keep the energy around them upbeat and positive.
1. Look on the bright side. Try talking about the good in a situation before you talk about the bad and emphasizing it more. Maybe you liked the color of the bride’s maid dresses even if you didn’t like the style, or you appreciated your boss consulting you even though he completely disregarded your input. There’s always something positive to mention if you look for it. And even if there’s relatively little good to concentrate on compared to the bad, focusing your comments on that good will make a difference in keeping the energy around the issue positive.
2. Try describing what you’d like to see happen ahead of time instead of what you’re disappointed didn’t happen afterwards. This requires forethought, and sometimes a lot of specificity. And this can be incredibly difficult if you often think it should be obvious what that would be. But sometimes it’s the best way to realize what you’d like to see happen.
For example, if you ask your teenager to take out the trash but don’t specify when, you could find the odor smelling up your home. Or if you ask a coworker do a particular part of a project but don’t specify the software program you need it in, she could present you with a spreadsheet when you needed a Power Point presentation. It may seem like some of these things are “common sense”, but no one lives in your head—describing what the positive outcome will be, especially ahead of time, can get everyone on the same page and give you a more positive outcome.
3. Amplify good feelings. When you concentrate on the good, the energy of it can continue to grow and get bigger. If you’re having trouble feeling that kind of positive energy, follow the advice of author Rhonda Byrne in her book, “The Secret: The Power”: start listing all the things, people and happenings you love or have loved. You’ll find that as the list grows, your good feelings do too, and the positive feelings amplify.
Try accentuating the positive today and see how it goes. I’d bet that you’ll find you not only feel more positive, those positive feelings spread to others too!
Listen to Your Intuition
Not long ago I attended a class that was meant to teach each participant how to discover her “core” issues. The teacher is an emotional processing facilitator, meaning he spends his days helping individuals understand what emotions are holding them back and how to overcome them. It was a very interesting class with a wide variety of problems addressed. The biggest take away for me was a comment the teacher made, almost in passing. “The people I coach don’t want to do soul work. They’ll run to the health store and spend $500 on supplements and quick fixes. But most of them will not spend time doing the real work – meditating. It’s almost impossible to get people to spend 20 minutes in the morning and 20 minutes in the evening being quiet and listening to their inner guidance.”
Hm… it made me think. How often do I experience quiet? How often do I schedule out time to let my soul talk? Do I ask for guidance from others that should be coming from myself? Is my connection to God as strong as it could be? Do I spend a lot of time and effort looking for answers outside of myself?
We all want answers. But are we willing to do the work to get the answers? Am I willing to make time morning and night to nurture my spirit and let my intuition guide me? Are you willing to make that commitment and listen to your intuition?
In the book, “40 Days and 40 Nights” by Ilene Segalove, there are 10 keys about listening to your intuition that I think are helpful:
1. You will not be able to predict what may or may not happen. Hooray!
2. Instead of asking others for advice, seek your own counsel.
3. Initially, feelings of discomfort, fear, uncertainty and even disconnection might come up. This is a healthy sign.
4. Trust yourself. Trust your instincts. Trust the process.
5. Don’t gossip about what goes on during your private time out.
6. Evey day counts. Don’t skip days.
7. Be aware of your intention but don’t try to “work” on it. Discovery is about allowing, not trying.
8. Create some additional quite or alone time for yourself every day.
9. Celebrate your commitment.
10. Go all the way. This is your time!
I truly believe all of the answers and all of the guidance we ever need comes from God and is communicated through our inner voice (intuition). Making time for the heavenly connection to happen is critical to our mental and spiritual health. So if I know listening to my intuition is important, why do I fill my life with so many other things and never quite make time for meditation? What am I afraid of… what is holding me back?
These are some of the questions I’m going to focus on this week. It’s time to get some answers. Will you join me in discovering your own answers? This may be one of the most challenging, yet rewarding journeys of our lives!
Until next time,
Tara
Saturday’s Affirmation
Good morning friends,
Welcome to the first weekend of April. It’s a bright sunny day here – the perfect day for an affirmation!
I am an abundant person.
I accept all of the gifts God has prepared for me.
Every cell of my body is open to love, joy, health, gratitude, success and abundance.
I receive easily.
I deserve to have anything and everything I want.
With every breath, my body, mind and spirit accept more generosity and gifts from God.
My angels are actively working to make my life fun, fulfilling and happy.
I easily and eagerly accept heavenly help to make my dreams come true.
It Feels So Good to be So Exhausted
There’s nothing like taking a few days to play and have a change of pace. After spending 3 days at Disneyland, I’m exhausted. Tired to the core! And it feels so good.
There’s something amazing about taking some time to be a kid again. We rode the fun, crazy, scary rides, ate foods that weren’t good for us, walked mile after mile and smiled so much our faces hurt.
Being exhausted never felt so good.
It was just what I needed. For so many years of my life, I have focused on work and day to day “to do” lists. I didn’t even know how out of balance I was. You know what I mean, don’t you… You may be there now or you may be a recovering workaholic like I am.
It’s a battle we struggle with as women: We are more than a title. We are more than responsibilities. We are more than work.
It’s exciting to be able to find my true self. Every day I learn more about myself. I am a fun, loyal, enthusiastic, energetic, loving high-vibration woman who loves to play so hard that she is exhausted! I am a kid at heart who loves to laugh. I’m a beautiful young woman who is excited for all the possibilities. There are so many amazing parts of me that I want to allow to shine. I want my life to full and rich. I want my life to be full of fun, memorable moments.
I am finally getting the balance I’ve craved for so many years. My soul is an important factor in creating balance in my life. I can leave work at work and have a life beyond growing my business division. I can have a life that brings fulfillment and joy on so many different levels.
What areas of your life need some attention? What can you do today to bring your life into balance… to create opportunities for fun, happiness and great exhaustion? How do you include your soul when creating balance?
The challenge I pose today is to find a way to play to the point of blissful exhaustion. How can you let go and be a kid again? What can you do, even for an hour, that will bring balance and excitement back into your life? You deserve to enjoy some great exhaustion!
Until next time,
Tara
Don’t try so hard to fit in. You were born to stand out!
My friend, Nikki, recently shared a very profound statement:
Don’t try so hard to fit in. You were born to stand out!
Powerful words that I have thought about several times. Nikki said she says this to her kids regularly. What a gift she is giving her children!
There were many times in my childhood and youth that I defined myself by my friends, what I was doing, and what I had (and what I DIDN’T have). The teenage years, especially, are challenging to figure out where a person fits into their own life. I was tied to external “things” – both physical and emotional. I was very lucky to have parents who were loving and supportive in helping me figure out who I am.
I believe we are here to find our unique, special qualities. What a gift it is to embrace who we are on a soul level and offer that to the world. When we understand our potential and our God-like qualities, we have the courage to be the amazing people we were born to be.
We are meant to stand out.
There are times, even as an adult, that I have to remind myself that it is fabulous to be me. I have to push beyond the thoughts of “if only”… if only I could lose some weight, if only I had a little more money, if only I had the talents my friends have. We all have “if only” thoughts. When we reach beyond these short-sighted opinions or beliefs, we delve deeper to find a soul that is dynamic, strong and remarkable. When we no longer need to fit in, we open the door to be so much more. We become our authentic self… and what an amazing self that is!
Real, deep happiness comes from allowing our uniqueness to define us.
I am more convinced everyday that I can only give the level of love to others that I have for myself. The best indicator of how easily and deeply I can love others is by how easily and deeply I love myself. Loving myself and showing self-compassion is fundamental to being able to have sincerely, caring relationships with others.
I hope you’ll join me on this journey of inner connection. How can you show more gentleness to yourself? In what ways are you trying to fit in? In your personal life… in your family… in your community… How would your life change if you decided to claim your individualism? What could you do if you really loved yourself and appreciated yourself for who you are?
Thanks for sharing some time with me today. I’d love to hear your thoughts…
Until next time,
Tara
You need “wins”
It was an unexpected conversation, to say the least. I was flying home after several days of meetings and was minding my own business when a friendly man sat next to me on the plane. I fly often and it seems that I attract people who need to talk about their problems. So when he started delving into my life, it was odd. I don’t normally share details with strangers – I’m usually the one listening and offering insights. The roles were turned on this flight and I wasn’t quite sure how it happened. But for some reason, I just went with it.
It was only about a month after my husband had filed divorce papers without any discussion or input from me. The divorce was unexpected and he was quite heartless in how he handled the situation. He had been a cruel husband most of our marriage and he certainly continued in that pattern through the divorce. Even with the pain I had experienced, I didn’t share the details with many people, certainly not strangers on an airplane. But this day was different somehow. This new friend seemed to be divinely inspired in what to ask and what to say. It was one of those incredible moments when I knew he was the mouthpiece for an important message.
The flight was quite short, just over an hour. It was an hour that has changed how I look at myself, how I look at relationships and how I will find the confidence to find my future mate. He told me many powerful things on that flight. But there one was message that I have pondered and reflected on many times. Get ready – it’s a life changer!
He told me one of the basic mistakes I made in my relationship was picking someone who did have a recent “win”. Huh? What does that mean?
He went on to explain that a confident, capable women needs a man who can keep up with her and will have confidence in himself. Otherwise, he will become controlling as a way to mask his insecurity. The type of man I had married was living behind a mask. He tried to appear charming and charismatic, but ultimately he was very insecure. As a result, he acted jealous, mean, disrespectful, angry, and even abusive when he felt he doesn’t measure up to me.
I found what he said interesting because what he was saying had a lot of truth to it. The more he talked, the more I listened.
Then he got to the “wins”. He said, “You need a man who has recent ‘wins’. He needs to be actively setting and achieving goals. He has to have confidence in himself and be driven. Otherwise, he will attempt to squash you in an effort to hide how little he is accomplishing in his life. If you want to be able to achieve everything you want, your relationship needs to support you. You must have a man in your life that is achieving everything he wants. He has to have successes or ‘wins’ that are recent… not something he did when he was 12 or 20 that he continues to talk about. It needs to be recent – last week or even yesterday. And he has to be working on the next thing. Otherwise, it will never work.”
Wow – he summed up my relationship in a matter of about 30 seconds. My head was spinning.
Later that night, I recounted the experience to my niece. She was very intrigued and we had a great conversation about this notion of “wins”. I loved her insights. She brought the whole concept full circle when she said that I need to have “wins” to feel confident in attracting men that had “wins”. Yes, I need wins. In the past several years, I had really fallen prey to the many hurtful statements made in my relationship. I needed to create “wins” so I felt deserving of more love, support, patience, gentleness, respect, kindness and joy.
Since these two conversations, I have been watching the people in my life and looking for “wins”. There is definitely a relationship between the numbers of “wins” someone has recently (and is currently) experiencing and the level of that person’s self-esteem. I’ve also noticed that as I’ve become aware of my own “wins” and been more determined to have consistent wins, my confidence and self-esteem are improving. Improving drastically.
Today’s challenge: In what ways can you create “wins” in your life? How can you push yourself to achieve something you want in an effort to improve your confidence and joy? Take a few moments today to determine what “wins” you want and map out a course to achieve them. Some may be little. Some may be large. Listen to your soul and push yourself to accomplish something that will help you feel great about yourself. Now take the first step to making your next “win” a reality!
Until next time friends,
Tara
5 Easy Ways to Fill Your Bucket Today
Happy New Year! While you’re looking forward to the year ahead, maybe setting goals or making resolutions, don’t forget to make taking care of yourself one of your 2011 priorities. As women, we do an excellent job taking care of others and building them up, filling their emotional buckets—but unfortunately that can also mean we neglect filling our own.
While Tara gave us one great way to fill your bucket well, here are five more simple ways to do so and take care of yourself this year.
1. Get enough sleep. With all of the demands on our time and sanity, being tired will lower your coping skills to deal. Just the simple act of making sure you get enough sleep will fill your bucket and make a huge difference in your ability to deal with life’s demands.
2. Drink water. Increase the water you drink—even an extra glass a day will helps all the organs and systems of your body run better and help your own energy flow better as well.
3. Turn on music that makes you smile, tap your toes, or wanna dance. Listening to good music can lighten your mood to fill your bucket in just a few moments, helping you have more energy to take on the demands of the day.
4. Treat yourself now and then. Make sure to splurge a bit on yourself every so often. Whether that splurge is in money, such as purchasing a cute pair of shoes or a manicure, or in time by taking an hour for yourself to curl up with a book and a bubble bath, making time for yourself helps you be centered in your own energy, filling your bucket to better deal with life’s hectic pace.
5. Choose to see opportunities and lessons in your daily interactions. This year will bring fantastic opportunities to grow, and while those opportunities won’t always be the easiest or the most fun to go through, they all have lessons to offer. Choosing to see lessons and opportunities helps your attitude stay positive and your bucket to feel more filled than depleted, even among some of the most difficult experiences.
There you have it—5 ways to keep your bucket filled throughout this year. What are some other ways that you take care of yourself amidst life’s demands? Please share in a comment.
It’s Time to Fill Your Bucket
I’ve noticed a common thread in recent conversations… 2010 was tough. Really tough. The conversations are often laden with regrets, guilt and feelings of shame. Few people are happy and satisfied with where they are in life. And it’s easy to place blame and pressure on one’s self as a way of dealing with the sadness.
But what happens to someone’s future when they are so emotionally tied to the past? It’s essentially impossible to move forward with enthusiasm, zest, joy, confidence and courage when so much of our energy is stuck in negative experiences that we haven’t let go of yet. Conviction and passion are emotions that need a lot of fuel. If a person has attached all of their energy or fuel to negative or destructive emotions, there’s nothing in their tank to propel them forward to positive and empowering opportunities.
It takes conscious effort. It takes consistently monitoring your thoughts, words and actions. It takes more self-love, self-compassion and patience. It takes treating yourself with the same (or more) respect that you offer other people.
So the challenge I offer today: compliment yourself. Literally find 3 or 4 positive, loving, kind things to say to yourself. And say it with meaning. Not a weak, “You’re okay.” Try saying, “You’re strong, smart, beautiful, organized, funny, loving, and grateful!” with gusto. Say it with power until you begin to believe. Once you begin to believe it, say it more – louder and stronger. Say it with pride.
You ARE strong.
You ARE smart.
You ARE beautiful.
You ARE organized.
You ARE funny.
You ARE loving.
You ARE grateful.
You ARE so much more!
It may feel foreign or odd at first. Please stick with it. Give it your attention and make it important. Let it grow within you until it grows and becomes natural. If your bucket is empty right now, you deserve to give yourself some time and nurturing. As you have more love and self-compassion in your bucket, you’ll have something to share. It will change everything in your life!
Until next time friends,
Tara
Silence Your Inner Critic
I’ve been working on this post for weeks. It’s one of those things that I need to write, but because I’m in the middle of learning this lesson myself, I wasn’t quite sure how to go about it.
So I asked for help with it. I asked the universe, my guides, my friends, my family. It’s been my experience that when I ask for something in sincerity, the answers come when I pay attention. This was no different. Like when I was watching the television drama, Parenthood, and a character said “Life will knock you down more times than you can possibly imagine. Don’t knock yourself down.” I needed to hear that. And while I am still learning this and don’t have all the answers, I guess where I’m at with it is as good a place to start as any.
I’m very hard on myself. It could be because I’m the oldest child, or it could be because I’m a Capricorn or any myriad of other things, but whatever the cause, it’s a fact of me. Because of this, when I fail to meet my own often ridiculously high expectations, I sometimes say unkind things to myself. I use mean words. Rude words. Awful, awful words that I’d never dream of saying to anyone else. And I don’t just say these things once, let it all go and walk away. I often repeat them, berating and punishing myself.
Do you do anything similar to yourself?
Why is it that we are almost always harder on ourselves than we are on others? Why can’t we give ourselves the same compassion and understanding that we give others so freely? And why do we even listen to ourselves when we get like that? Author Natalie Goldberg said “We follow that voice inside us as if it were God. But it’s really just a thought.” It’s so true: those awful things we tell ourselves really are just thoughts. So how can we silence them? I don’t know all the answers, but here’s what I’ve been trying.
Realize you’re being critical. Sometimes these reactions are so automatic we don’t even know we’re doing it. Like breaking any bad habit, realizing you’re doing it is the first step.
Tell yourself it’s just a thought and tell yourself to stop it. Just because you’re saying it to yourself—and just because you’re buying it—doesn’t mean it’s true. When you realize it’s just a thought, it deflates the intensity and the power it has over you and it’s easier to tell yourself to stop. By the way, I recommend telling yourself these things aloud if doing it silently doesn’t work. You may feel a little crazy at first talking to yourself, but it brings a conscious awareness that’s sometimes more effective than saying it silently.
Imagine what you’d say to a friend and say it to yourself. When you change the words you say, you change the energy being directed at yourself. That inner critic cannot thrive in that more loving kind of energy. And I recommend doing this one out loud for effectiveness too if needed. The weird stares you may get are totally worth the effectiveness.
These are the steps I’ve been trying. I no expert, but they’re helping me silence my inner critic. And that’s helping me grow on my spiritual and emotional journey.
What have you found effective in silencing your inner critic? Please share with a comment to keep the conversation going so we can learn and grow together. And I’ll continue to update you as I learn more too. I promise.
Today’s Affirmation
I’ve heard it said that 88% of our behavior is automatic. We act/react subconsciously and, as a result, our activities are based on habit more than intention. Today, our challenge is to “live on purpose”. We can change the outcome of future by making conscious decisions today. Let’s start by taking a couple of deep breaths and repeating the following phrases until you feel it penetrate your heart and mind:
I’m full of life, enthusiasm, magnetism and energy.
I make a difference in my own life and in the lives of those I love.
I gratefully offer my gifts and talents for my own good and for the good of those around me.
The more I give, the more I have to share.
I accept fun, joy, abundance, prosperity, encouragement and love into my life.
Every positive thought propels me to more of what I truly want.
Make Time to Connect with Yourself
Do you have a happy place? You know, the kind of place that, whenever you go there, you feel peaceful or happy? Or both?
Whenever I need to clear my head, I take a scenic drive to one of my happy places, and I end up under a crab apple tree in the park of a small town. It’s incredibly quiet there, so I can enjoy the peacefulness of my surroundings. I write, wiggle my toes in the grass, watch hawks circling nearby, read, and just enjoy being by myself. It recharges my batteries and helps me feel more grounded.
When was the last time you visited your happy place or did something that made you happy? In the busy pace of life, it’s sometimes difficult to carve out time to connect with ourselves, be it by going to a happy place or doing something that we truly love to do. In fact, it’s sometimes easier to make time to connect with others or even to connect to something bigger than ourselves than it is to connect with ourselves.
But part of our mental, emotional, and even spiritual well being is found in regularly and honestly connecting with ourselves. In doing this, we shed the roles we take on each day and are able to be our genuine, true selves for a bit. It grounds us and reminds us that we’re more than what we do each day and more than the roles we assume. For just a little while, it helps us be the people we want to be, rather than the people others expect or demand we be. And in truly connecting with ourselves, we recharge and refocus, helping us then have more to give to the people we love each day—including ourselves.
This week, I encourage you to make time to connect with yourself. Take an hour or an afternoon to make a little time just for you apart from the busy-ness of your life to be who you genuinely are. Your spirit will thank you for it.
Make Time to Connect with Something Bigger than Yourself
Unlike many other people’s experiences, the first time I felt a distinct spiritual connection to something bigger than myself, I wasn’t in a quiet moment of meditation and contemplation. I wasn’t in a place or state of mind for worship, nor was I having a life-threatening emergency or a near-death experience. To be honest, I wasn’t even searching for a spiritual experience.
I was at a crowded beach, making sand castles.
It was a pretty usual occurrence for me to go to the beach with my family, growing up in California. During these day trips, I spent most of my time in the water, playing and swimming in the waves. But on this particular trip, I opted for time on the shore, positioning myself right where the ebb and flow of the tide offered me a challenge: to create a sand castle before the water could destroy it. I made a game of it for hours, and some time amidst the laughter and amusement, I became aware of more than just the game. I became aware of how connected everything was in the little world of my game: the damp sand I manipulated… the sand crabs that lived in one scoop of that sand… the water that sustained those crabs and came, unbidden and regularly, to give them life—then retreated to a larger body of water… all of it was so intertwined. I realized it all for the first time and within moments I went from observing that connection to feeling I was a part of it. It was amazing. I felt warm and happy, and not a remotely alone, even in the midst of my solitary game. It was a very important moment that made me aware of a spiritual aspect of life I hadn’t known before.
Part of living a spiritual life is feeling connected to something bigger than yourself, whether it’s to nature, a cause, or a deity. When we feel that interconnectedness it gives our lives context and perspective, and it helps us feel like we’re a part of something. It’s the same kind of feeling you can get from connecting with others—that soulful, enriching experience that helps us feel less alone, and often adds purpose and meaning on a spiritual level.
This week, make time to connect to something bigger than yourself. Try going for a walk in nature, having a quiet moment of reflection or meditation, participating in an activity to raise money or awareness for a cause, or to a religious service. Experience those warm feelings of connectedness that come from you spiritually enriching your life. Then come share your experience with a comment so we can learn and grow and enrich one another.
If life feels really tough right now, it’s time to dig deeper.
Hi Friends,
It’s been such an interesting few weeks of introspection and “soul” work. Do you ever a day or week (month, year… even decade) where you stop and say, “What do I REALLY want?” Sure, our schedules are full of activities and our to-do list is a mile long. But what do you really want?
I think I was afraid to ask myself that question or give it a second thought for many years because I would have had to admit I wasn’t happy. I didn’t know what it would take to help me feel great again. I was exhausted, truly depleted, and didn’t have the energy to even try to figure out what I needed to feel joy.
There comes a point when this type of existence can’t continue. I was “forced” to dig deep and get to the heart of me. In fact, I’m still digging. The deeper I get, the more I realize how out of touch with myself I was. I was surviving… living minute to minute in deep depression. I wasn’t trying to find joy. I trying to find my next breath. I felt like I was suffocating.
If you find yourself in that position, don’t give up. You are here with friends who love and support you in your journey. When you decide you cannot live like that anymore, you can change your life. It starts with giving back to yourself. You’ve proven you are fantastic at sharing and giving to other people… now show some c0mpassion and kindness to yourself. Dig deeper into your own heart to determine what YOU need today.
Here are some tips I found that kept me going when times were the toughest:
1. Pray and connect with Heavenly Help. In the toughest times, open your heart to your angels and spiritual loved ones who are here to support and love you. The more you open to them, the more involved they will be. You are NEVER alone. They are always here to love and protect you.
2. Treat yourself with more gentleness. Negative self-talk may have become your norm… but it doesn’t have to be. I still catch myself saying something harsh or hurtful to myself on occasion. It’s a habit that is deeply embedded. I conscious stop and re-phrase my self-talk when I say something negative. And then I follow it up with several compliments. If it feels difficult to come up with some kind things to say, take out a notebook and imagine that you are your best friend. What compliments would you give yourself if you were someone else? Somehow it’s easier to love and see the good in someone else than yourself. The important thing is you’ll have a list of compliments to give yourself next time the negative self-talk starts.
3. Take a deep breath. Maybe you even need two or three… whatever it takes! Even better: close your eyes, imagines yourself in a happy, confident memory as you take several deep breaths. Let this become your trigger – when life gets hard, remember the happy memory and let those pleasant emotions take over the negative feelings.
4. Create a support system. If you are feeling alone or sad, it’s time to reach out and share your gifts with others. If you don’t have “others” to share with right now, there’s no time like the present to connect with other positive women. My favorite places to reach out: Family and friends, church groups, volunteer opportunities, and social groups (meetup.com is a great place to find people with similar interests).
5. Meditation, visualization and hypnosis are all fabulous ways to change your thinking. When your subconscious has been programmed to think and act negatively, your life will reflect that programming. However, when you send different messages and beliefs, your entire life changes incredibly and drastically.
6. Focus on the good. Before you even get out of bed, think of 10 things to be thankful for happy about. Giving thanks truly opens the door to more joy and happiness. It’s all too easy to focus on lack or what ISN’T good… but changing your mindset changes your entire reality.
The bottom line is that life can be tough at times. In those moments, it’s more important than ever to show greater love and appreciation for yourself and those around you. Find several things to cherish about yourself today! Focus on those things, compliment yourself on your characteristics or attributes and dig deeper into finding your own joy.
Until next time,
Tara
5 Easy Ways to Connect with Others
Reduce your stress this week and improve your mental, emotional and physical health by taking the challenge to make time to connect to others. You don’t have to do anything elaborate – here are 5 easy ways you can try today:
1. Call or e-mail a friend.
2. Invite someone out to or over for a meal.
3. Play a board game together.
4. Connect on social media sites like Facebook or Twitter.
5. Join a Meetup for people with similar interests.
Whatever you choose to do, enjoy connecting with others this week and the relaxation, rejuvenation—and fun—it brings to you.
Make Time to Connect with Others
As Tara wrote so well, connecting with others can help us deal better with stress, avoid burn out, and stay emotionally healthy. There have been many times that being with like-minded people, or good friends or family, have saved my sanity.
Such was the case this past weekend, when I joined some amazing women for a girls-only get-together. I’d had a long week and almost opted out in order to just relax and unwind on my own, but I went anyway, telling myself it was important for me to make time to connect with other people. And I’m so glad I did! It was just what I needed: good company, good food, good music (and even a little dancing – how can you NOT dance when Abba is playing?), great conversation, and some silliness that left me laughing so hard my sides ached by the time I said goodnight. What a difference just a few hours of spending time with like-minded, fun people made! I felt not only relaxed but rejuvenated as well—way more than I would have vegging in front of the TV on my own.
That’s because, beyond mental and emotional benefits, making time to connect with others is good for your spiritual well being too. The essence of spirituality is connection—to people, to purpose, and more—so making time to connect with others in a genuine way helps to ground and center us, reminding us that we’re not alone and reminding us that we are loved, and that our lives have meaning and purpose. It helps lift us and give us perspective to get beyond the day-to-day stresses and move forward. Most of the time, it’s fun to boot!
This week, I encourage you to make time to connect with others. Whether you enjoy a good conversation or a fun activity together, be present and enjoy that connection. Let it relax and rejuvenate you and add meaning to your life. And if you feel comfy, come back and share your experience with a comment.
An Affirmation for a Wonderful Wednesday
Today, embrace gifts and opportunities by
repeating this affirmation in the mirror several times throughout the day:
I am a lucky, fortunate person. I can have anything and everything I want.
I have an open heart to receive abundance, joy and unlimited gifts.
The more I receive, the more I have to enjoy and share with others. My life is full of everything I desire.
I’m Stressed and I’m Not Afraid to Admit It!
As women, we do a lot!
Woman are amazing beings! We can handle a tremendous number of deadlines, hundreds of requests, unending questions and last-minute demands, while getting the kids dressed and fed, letting the dog out and getting everything packed in her purse for the entire day – all by 8 am.
But what happens when we don’t take time to connect with friends and family? We get stressed. We feel overwhelmed. We feel all alone. Women, especially, need to connect. We need to share, listen, be heard and, most importantly, be understood. It’s in the glorious act of sharing that our hearts are filled, our worries relieved and our bonds strengthened. Woman are incredible! Yes, we’re fabulous!
We are capable of accomplishing so many amazing feats. Yet, if we don’t have a chance to connect, we lose our gentle strength and power. For many years of my life, I lost contact with my support system – the women in my life who love and care for me… the women that stand by me no matter what. It was during this time that I experienced some of the greatest stress and worry of my life. Looking back, I can see that a great deal of that pain was due to my lack of sharing. I needed to connect with others on a heart-level. I needed to be able to share my stress to be relieved of the overwhelm of the moment. Likewise, I needed to express compassion and concern for others who needed a shoulder to cry on.
We need each other. Whether it’s connecting face to face, on the phone or through a blog, we are stronger, more confident and less stressed when we have each other to rely on. Please don’t be afraid to share with the positive, loving women in your life. Create a bond that will carry you through the stress, joy, heartache, excitement, tears and laughter. We can share each others triumphs and successes. We can share each others pain. But most importantly, we can share each others lives.
Thank you for being part of my life… for letting me share a little of my heart with you!
Tara
Affirmation for a Wonderful Wednesday
Today’s Affirmation (if possible, repeat in front of the mirror several times today):
I am happy, fortunate and healthy.
I make great things things happen every day.
I find joy in each moment and know that heaven is supporting me in all aspects of my life.
An Affirmation for an Amazing Tuesday
Repeat the following in the mirror several times today:
I am a truly talented person who has unlimited skill, intuition, abundance and joy.
Everything I do is successful.
I am happy, confident and full of life!
Today’s Affirmation
Take time today to repeat this to yourself in the mirror:
“I am a fun, energetic, encouraging, supportive, creative, confident, happy person who has an incredible gifts to offer. Today I love ME and give the best I have to myself and others.”
Have a great, love-filled day!
Tara
Daily Affirmations Can Be Powerful
I love daily affirmations! I have been amazed at the changes in my life and in the life of others I’ve worked with when daily affirmations have become part of the routine. As Jennafer mentioned in her post this week, it’s so easy to send negative thoughts to our sub-conscious without even realizing it. These thoughts can be destructive and crippling.
However, adding daily affirmations, purposefully looking in the mirror and telling yourself something positive and encouraging can be powerful and can make drastic improvements in your confidence and courage. In my 30-Day Transformation Blog, I talk about the power of emotions on Day 13 (http://30daytransformation.wordpress.com/) and discuss the vibrational effects of various emotions. To summarize here, negative emotions vibrate at a very low, destructive level. By raising your belief in yourself and improving the state of your emotions, you automatically raise your energetic vibration. This improves your health, your emotional state and your quality of life.
I encourage you to take a second to look in the mirror everytime you use the restroom and say something out loud that is high vibration. You can use one of the thoughts below or something you come up with. It doesn’t matter as long as the thought is positive and supportive. Watch how your attitude about yourself changes over time. You’ll come to appreciate the amazing, fabulous person you are!
Suggestions:
Today I plan for a wonderful day. I automatically attract wonderful people and experiences into my life.
I am guided throughout this day in making the right choices. Divine intelligence continuously guides me in the realization of my goals. I am safe. –Louise Hay
I earn money by doing what I love to do. Money and abundance flow easily and effortlessly into my life. I attract money and always have more than I need.
I am beautiful, capable, intriguing and perfect. I love myself and my life. I create amazing opportunities every day and am thrilled by the abundance and joy in my life.
Have a wonderful day and be gentle to yourself!
Until next time,
Tara
What Would You Do If You Won $1,000,000?
Some friends of mine and I were talking about what we would do if we won $1,000,000. Several people had the same basics – pay off bills, buy or pay for a house, get a new car, give money to parents, pay for kids’ school…
It was interesting to hear what everyone wanted. What I found even more interesting was that very few of the women listed things for themselves. Most of what they wanted was for their family or loved ones. Now don’t get me wrong – I am fully in support of caring for others and sharing abundance with those in need. Having said that, why is it that so many of us will care for everyone else until there is nothing left for ourselves?
So, what would you do if you won $1,000,000 and HAD to spent $100,000 on yourself? Could you do it? What would you do with that kind of money?
Well, I have to admit… I made a list of things I would do that would be for my own pure bliss. Things that put a little wider smile on my face. My list includes things like a weekly massage, a trip to Switzerland and Sweden, weekly Girls Night In, a mediterranean cruise, weekly family dinners, a shopping spree with someone who has great style, daily workouts, Sunday afternoon picnics in the mountains and a new bedroom set.
Here’s what I learned from making my list:
1. Many of the things on the list can be accomplished without winning $1,000,000. In fact, I can do many of these things now – money isn’t even a factor.
2. The items on the list that do require money can be a reality with some savings and planning.
3. It was much easier to think of things I would do for other people than what I would do or get for myself.
4. The more I think about what I WANT, the easier it is to fulfill my own dreams.
Here’s my challenge to you: in your journal today, take a few minutes to day dream. What would you splurge on if you were going to pamper yourself (in a BIG way)? Where would you go? What would you do? Spent a few minutes letting your mind wander and see what you come up with… you may even surprise yourself!
Until next time friends,
Tara
Be Kind to Yourself
One of the best things about women is how supportive we can be. Whether it’s with family, coworkers, friends, or even perfect strangers sometimes, people come to us with challenges, and we offer words of comfort or encouragement to help them through. We offer this support freely with kindness and love, and people take it in, giving themselves a break and seeing options they didn’t before because of it.
Ironically enough, we don’t tend to offer the same kind of support to ourselves. In fact, we tend to be much harder on ourselves than we ever would be on others. Why is that? Why don’t we give ourselves at least the same support that we give others?
I first noticed this phenomenon personally when I went through my divorce. I said things silently to myself on a daily basis that I wouldn’t ever dream of saying to others once. It was pretty normal throughout the day for me to silently and repeatedly say things like “You’re such a failure” and “No one will ever love you again”. If I’d said those things out loud, I may have understood quickly how destructive they were at a time when I needed support more than anything else. But because they were in my head, they stayed quietly powerful, perpetuating the abuse I’d suffered in the marriage and undermining my healing. When I finally realized those were the thoughts running through my head, I worked to change them into more loving messages, and it made a huge difference in my recovery.
You don’t have to be going through a huge life change or challenge to change your inner thoughts into more supportive messages. Today, I encourage you to be kind to yourself. Pay attention to your inner talk, and stop yourself when your messages are beating you up. Switch gears and talk to yourself as though you were talking to your best friend, and you’ll see the messages naturally become more positive. See what a difference it makes in your day.
Choose to Change Your Attitude
What’s a belief or value that’s important to you and influences the way you approach your life? For me, working hard is one. “If a job’s worth doing, it’s worth doing right” was ingrained in me at an early age, and that became a dedication to doing a good job with a strong work ethic. It’s part of why I’ve been successful in career pursuits and why I expect a lot of myself and those who work with me.
Like everything in life, though, the beliefs that influence us need to be in balance to be healthy. That doesn’t always happen with my dedication to a job well done. At times, my belief in working hard takes precedence over listening to my soul or taking care of other parts of my life, and I find things get out of balance.
That’s when an attitude adjustment is in order.
I don’t mean an attitude adjustment like when you have a bad attitude and need to correct it, although those have their place. I mean an attitude adjustment as in being able to evaluate your attitudes and beliefs in order to adjust your behavior and get back in balance.
In order to perform your own attitude adjustment, try this:
*Recognize the signs of being out of balance. You may find yourself tired or drained, irritable, having abnormally strong emotional reactions, or not enjoying your life as much. These are usually clues that something’s out of balance.
*Take a step back and get perspective. Take some quiet time to reflect, either alone or with a trusted friend or family member, and see what belief may be out of balance.
*Let go a little. I wouldn’t advocate that you let go of your belief altogether, because there’s a reason it’s important to you in the first place and, in balance, it’s got its good points. But be able to let go a little to make way for the other beliefs you hold dear to come forth a little. When my dedication to a job well done gets out of balance, I let go of it a bit in order to let my other beliefs, such as taking care of myself and making time for play and recreation, see the light. Like cutting back overgrown flowers in your garden so others can see the light, this will help all of you be able to thrive.
This week, if you feel yourself out of balance, look at what beliefs may be driving that and give yourself an attitude adjustment. Then share your experience with a comment so we can all learn and grow together.
When In Doubt, Listen to Your Soul
What your heart thinks is great, is great. The soul’s emphasis is always right. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
I love that quote. How “great” would our lives be if you always let our heart and soul do the choosing?
I have really been thinking about my soul a lot in the past months. Earlier this week, during my quiet time, I asked my soul what it wanted most that day. The answer was “No personal To Do List. Just live the day as it comes and enjoy each moment.” Hm… what a brilliant concept. You see, I have a checklist/To Do List that I look at 20 times per day. In fact, if I do something that isn’t ON my list, I add it just so I can check it off. It’s a little overboard… I agree!
So I made it my mission to live the entire day without a personal checklist. I still had my work To Do List, but once work was over, there were no strict expectations, no “should do”, no anxiety, no guilt at the end of the night. It was one of the most freeing experiences I’ve had in a long time. In many ways, I got more done by being in the moment then I would have with an list.
It made me think about how I make decisions. As I’ve told you before, I’m so analytical that I use logic to get through life. But I am diligently working to change that. I want my heart and soul to be involved… to guide me gently and lovingly through the process. What I’ve noticed already is that when my heart and soul make the choices, life runs much smoother and more joyfully. Part of me says, “Shoot, I wish I would have learned this a long time ago! I could have saved myself a lot of stress and heartache.” Of course, that’s my brain talking again. My heart says, “Isn’t it great you know this now and can have years of bliss ahead of you?”
I really can say life is bliss when my heart and soul are in command. Are there still problems, difficulties and a few bumps along the way? Sure. It’s my reaction that is different. I’m content and HAPPY inside. It changes everything. I’ve also noticed that I’m more confident. My soul knows me better than I know myself. It’s the piece of God inside me directing me. What a gift! What a precious, wonderful gift!
I hope you will take a few minutes today to connect with your soul. It’s tremendous. Your life will never be the same… and that’s a great thing!
Until next time, friends!
Tara
“Tara, I’m so Happy to Have This Time With You”
Okay, I admit it. I’m really learning to love myself. Yes, I even talk to myself. Not just once in awhile. A lot. In fact, I quite often say such witty and entertaining things that I make myself laugh. I have come to treasure and enjoy quiet soul time. I crave it! There was a time (not so long ago) that I used to be afraid of being with myself. I always had to have people or noise around to keep my mind occupied. Things are shifting. It’s been an exceptional experience to learn to carve out time to listen to my heart.
This weekend I spent a few hours in the park reading Eat, Pray, Love. I can really connect with the author on so many levels. It has made me ask myself several questions:
1. Do I find joy in daily living or am I just enduring?
2. Am I willing to give my soul a voice?
3. Am I living my passion?
For those of you who have read the book, I am certainly not suggesting I plan to uproot my relationships, move across the world and leave everything behind to try to find myself (nor am I suggesting that for you). What I am suggesting is that in every moment, there is a choice to follow our heart or not. I have to admit – the head decisions come so much more naturally for me. Give me a logic problem and I’ll have a solution before you can finish stating the issue. But getting to my soul is a whole other issue. It’s not natural or spontaneous… yet. But my commitment is to find joy in daily living, give my soul a voice and live my passion. It’s what I think about frequently and it is beginning to take root.
I can already see a whole new life ahead of me – one full of heart. It’s what I’ve been missing. Maybe it’s what you’re missing, too?
As women, we face a unique, yet monumental challenge. We have so many demands, expectations and responsibilities in our lives. In many ways, we have to be masculine to get everything done we need to do. Yet, at our core, we are women who are sensitive, caring and nurturing. Finding a way to balance our logical demands with our softer nature can be extremely difficult. It’s more important now than ever that we learn to give our heart and soul attention. As we nurture and care for ourselves, we’ll have so much more to give to those we love.
So tonight when I pray, I’m going to put a special something in there for each of us – that our days will be filled with joy, our souls will have attention and our living will be with passion!
Good night my friends,
Tara
So
Make Time for Yourself
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how I’m always willing to make time for the people that I love, but how I’m not always willing to include myself in that group. Does that ever happen to you?
Making time for others is a good thing—don’t get me wrong. But when we don’t take time for ourselves and just give and give to others, it can leave us unbalanced and sometimes drained.
That’s why I encourage you to take some time for yourself this week. It doesn’t have to be a long time. Just an hour will do. But make yourself a priority and take some time out to refresh and replenish or just enjoy yourself. Check in with your soul to feel out what you could do this week to make you happy and try it.
You deserve to be in the category of people you make time for. Try it and see how it goes!
A Quick “Soul” Check-In
I was talking to one of my very respected mentors who told me I needed to “get in” with myself. She told me that until I learned to listen to my soul, I was going to feel like I was banging the head against the wall and create more of the same negative experiences in my life.
Hm… interesting. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this and really trying to reach my soul. It’s been a much more daunting task than I realized. You see, it’s easy for me to think things through logically – make a Pros/Cons checklist and mentally make a decision. However, for me to take a step back, breath and let my soul have a say has proven to be more challenging than I ever imagined.
Are you having the same problem? Do you find yourself feeling depleted, exhausted, unsure of what you want, stuck or unable to move forward? Are you carrying around extra weight that you can’t lose no matter how hard you try? Do you feel lonely or disconnected from the world? Perhaps it’s time to check in with your soul.
So here’s what I have found so far (and PLEASE feel free to share suggestions or ideas you have):
1. Spend quiet time everyday just listening. Between cell phones, TVs, iPods, radios, people around us and stressful thoughts, it’s easy to forget to have some peace. It may be 5 minutes, it may be 2 hours. Whatever you can do is a good start. Once you have some quiet time, you have space in your life to listen to what your soul has to say.
2. Ask yourself several times throughout the day what would really make you happy. Not what you have time for or what you MUST do… what you WANT to do. Maybe it’s as simple as spending 30 minutes reading a book in the park. It doesn’t take a lot to make your soul happy – a little goes a long way.
3. Be willing to invest in yourself. Give yourself the gift of time and some spending money. If you want a pedicure, it’s okay to have a pedicure. We often put everyone else before our own needs and today I’m giving permission to give a little to you!
Good luck to you today! May you have a day of soul joy, soul love and soul compassion.
Until next time, friends!
Tara
Comparing Yourself to Others: a Substitution Solution
Earlier, I challenged you to choose to let go of comparing yourself to others. How’s it going so far? Have you caught yourself comparing recently? How does it feel to try to stop that comparing train once it starts? I know, it’s tough. As something we start doing early on in life, comparing ourselves to others becomes ingrained to the point that it can be automatic, and it’s a hard habit to break.
Experts often say that when you’re trying to break a habit, it’s sometimes easier to transfer that habit to a healthier outlet in order to make the transition a bit easier. Like when people who are trying to quit smoking chew gum to occupy their mouths. Maybe that substitution solution can help in breaking this habit as well. So try this: the next time you find yourself comparing yourself to another person, stop—and transfer that comparison to the only person it’s truly fair to compare yourself to: you.
This works especially well when you choose a time period in the past—such as 6 months ago, a year ago, five years ago, etc.—and compare the you of that time to the you of today. Ask yourself: are you
*More patient than you were back then?
*Less stressed about the small stuff?
*More inclined to be kind?
*Less inclined to have road rage?
*More likely to eat veggies over fried foods?
*Less apt to criticize yourself?
Whatever attribute you’re working on, comparing yourself now to your former self is a healthier alternative to comparing yourself to others. It removes the destruction that can come from comparing to others—which is an apples-to-oranges comparison—and replaces it with a healthier way to gauge your progress, which is more of an apples-to-previous-apples comparison.
Try this comparison transfer technique and see if it helps you break the habit of comparing yourself to others a bit more. Then share your experience with a comment, or send us an e-mail at zoesoulspa@gmail.com.
Choose to Let Go of Comparisons to Others
I remember it started when I was about ten years old—comparing myself to others. I desperately wanted the solo for the part of Wendy in our choir’s production of “Peter Pan”, and I rehearsed my little heart out, knowing my main competition was Wendy Bell, a girl who was a year older than me and had a voice that could have won her a part in the cast of “Annie”. On top of all that, Wendy looked the part with a cute button nose and beautiful, thick hair. Plus, she had sharing the character’s name going for her, so when she got the solo I wasn’t surprised. She usually got the good solos. I was, however, incredibly envious. I spent many hours wishing my voice was as strong and clear as hers, instead of timid and airy. Wishing that I had her thick, lovely hair and pretty face instead of my thin, stringy hair and awkward, freckled face with large, geeky glasses.
I got older and my voice got stronger. I even earned some choir solos as the years went on. But I didn’t stop comparing myself to the Wendy Bells of the world. And when I did compare, I somehow never ended up feeling good about myself.
I realize it’s human nature to compare ourselves to others. Sometimes those comparisons are gauges for our own growth and sometimes they spur us forward to grow. But most of the time when we compare, we end up feeling inferior or superior, neither of which really helps us focus on who we are as much as who we aren’t. And that’s not really the best way to grow or to have a realistic view of who you are as a person. After all, it’s not really fair to compare yourself to others, is it? We are each a unique set of talents and weaknesses, challenges and strengths, experiences and lessons. While some of us have similarities with others, we haven’t been through the same things in the same ways. So comparing ourselves to others is a bit like comparing apples to oranges. We’re all fruit, but that’s about where the comparison similarities end.
This week, release the need to compare yourself to others. You may find it hard to do, but try it and see what happens. Focus on who you are instead of who you aren’t. If you feel comfy, share your experiences in a comment.
Turn Negatives into Positives
It’s no secret that sometimes things happen in business—and in life—that you don’t expect. No matter how much planning and foresight you try to have, no matter how well things seem to be going, almost inevitably some challenge pops up, and you find yourself on a path you never saw coming.
One such thing happened to me during my last semester of college. I was working as a receptionist/customer service rep in a job I liked and fit in well with my school schedule. I planned to work there through graduation and then seek a job in publishing. But my plans were abruptly derailed when I was unexpectedly laid off. I was hurt and angry—I’d worked hard and been a good employee, and it felt like a slap in the face. Even though I knew in my head that the lay off was a company cut back and not personal, in my heart it felt personal. I was embarrassed and frustrated and felt like I’d failed. On top of that, I wasn’t sure what to do. How was I going to find another job that was flexible enough for my class schedule for just a few short months?
After the initial shock wore off, I started thinking. Even though being laid off was definitely not what I’d planned, maybe there was an opportunity for growth in there somewhere. I decided to look for an internship in the field I hoped to work in after graduation to get some experience. And not two days later, I saw a flyer on campus for an internship with a local publishing company. I ended up working there that semester and for several months after I graduated, which not only began my career in publishing but game me valuable experience. Had I not been laid off, I may not have even noticed that flyer and my path may have been very different.
Negative, unexpected things happen. But what we do with those things after the initial shock wears off can be positive. Look for the lessons these negatives bring and try seeing them as unexpected gifts from the universe. I’m not saying to be all Pollyanna and brush over the disappointed or hurt—that’s definitely human and important to honor. But after you work through those feelings, know that you have the power to turn those negatives into positives with a little creativity and determination. Try turning one of those negatives into a positive this week and see how it goes. Then come back and share your experience with a comment. You can do it!
Inspiring Quotes: Ask for What You Need in Life
While you’re taking the challenge to ask for what you need in life, here are some inspirational quotes to help.
Enjoy,
Jennafer
“Be bold and mighty forces will come to your aid.” ~ Basil King
Every moment of your life is infinitely creative and the universe is endlessly bountiful. Just put forth a clear enough request, and everything your heart desires must come to you. ~Shakti Gawain
You can’t ask for what you want unless you know what it is. A lot of people don’t know what they want or they want much less than they deserve. First you have figure out what you want. Second, you have to decide that you deserve it. Third, you have to believe you can get it. And, fourth, you have to have the guts to ask for it. ~Barbara De Angelis
Asking is the beginning of receiving. Make sure you don’t go to the ocean with a teaspoon. At least take a bucket so the kids won’t laugh at you. ~Jim Rohn
Whatever you do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius and power and magic in it. ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
You create your opportunities by asking for them. ~Patty Hansen
No one is in control of your happiness but you; therefore, you have the power to change anything about yourself or your life that you want to change. ~Barbara De Angelis
3 Tips to Ask for What You Need in Life
As women, it’s sometimes easier to let our needs fall by the wayside and take care of others rather than ourselves. Since it’s not always easy to ask for what you need in life, here are a few tips to help you in your efforts to do so.
1. Believe you deserve it. I realize it may not feel “normal” or natural at first, but it’s important to believe you deserve to have your needs met. If everyone else’s needs always come before ours in the priority line up, then we’re often left running on empty, and it’s hard to give others our best. As author Geneen Roth says, “When you, yourself, are under-nourished, what you give others is a thin echo of what it could be.” When you put your needs as a priority, then you help nourish your mind, heart, spirit, and/or body, and you have more energy and vitality to give to others overall, helping everyone in the process. Believing that you deserve to have your needs met as much as everyone else is taking care of yourself, and it’s the first step towards beginning to speak up for those needs. You deserve it!
2. Be clear about what you need. Sometimes in the haze of confusion or frustration, it’s hard to see clearly what it is you need. And asking when you’re unclear can often lead to further confusion or frustration for yourself or the person you’re asking, which doesn’t get you closer to getting your needs met. So get clear about what it is you really need before you ask. Try writing it down or talking through it with a friend beforehand if you need help bring clarity. Practice or role play, if you feel comfortable doing so. Since this asking-for-what-you-need thing may already be foreign territory for you, getting clear can go a long way towards a successful experience in asking.
3. Ask with confidence and respect. When you ask for what you need with confidence and respect, it shows you believe to have those needs met. Avoid tentative language, such as “um”s and “maybe”s and “kind of”s. Likewise, avoid demanding language so your listener feels respected. That way your language matches your belief and you’re more likely to be heard.
But it takes a lot of guts to ask for what you need—what if you’re not sure you have that kind of confidence? Here are a few easy things you can try to increase confidence by strengthening the throat chakra, the energy center over the throat and mouth that helps you express yourself well.
*Play or listen to music with wind instruments, such as flutes and oboes. Air is the element associated with this chakra, so instruments that utilize this element can help strengthen it.
*Sing something that makes you happy. The note of G especially helps the throat chakra, but anything that makes you happy and gets you signing loudly, no matter what your confidence is in your singing abilities, works wonders.
*Wear the color blue. This color is associated with the throat chakra and wearing it can remind you that you deserve to ask for what you need, helping build your confidence.
So there you go: a few tips to get you on your way to asking for what you need. Do you have any tips to share along these lines? If so, please share them in a comment so we can all grow and learn together.
Ask for What You Need in Life
The most useful class I took in college was titled “Communication and the Sexes.” A general education elective, the main point of the class was to teach students to communicate more effectively with the opposite sex by understanding that each sex views the role of communication differently. I had more of what Oprah calls “ah-ha moments” and learned more that helped my life in that class than I did in hours upon hours of English literature classes. Not bad for a class I took because it was the only one that fit in my schedule, huh?
One of my ah-ha moments came when the professor said that men tend to view communication as a tool to solve problems or to compete with others. That helped me understand why, when I tried to talk to my father or other men about something that was bothering me, they would instantly launch into multiple tactics on how to fix it rather than sympathizing like my female friends and family. Armed with this information, the next time I needed to vent to my father, I began the conversation by saying, “Dad, I don’t need you to fix this. I just need you to listen so I can get my feelings out and fix it myself.”
What a huge difference that statement made! Knowing what I needed up front helped my father give me exactly what I needed, and at the end of the conversation, I felt like I’d gotten exactly what I asked for—and exactly what I needed—out of that conversation.
I’ll be honest, though: there was a part of me that had a difficult time telling my father what I needed. Why is it that, as women, sometimes we feel like if we have to ask for what we want, getting it is somehow a little less satisfying than if we didn’t have to ask?
Maybe some of the same reasons that we sometimes unrealistically expect our managers to know what we need instead of asking for what we need at work also apply to asking for what we need in life. Women often anticipate needs by tuning into subtle cues and body language, so it can appear as though we’re mind readers, knowing what people need without asking. Maybe being on the receiving end of that feels better when we don’t have to ask, or maybe that’s why having to ask feels a little less satisfying. What do you think?
Whatever the reasons, this week I challenge you to take a chance and ask for what you need in life. Ask your friend, your spouse, child, or coworker. Ask the universe or god or your angels. However foreign or uncomfy it may be initially to do so, it’s also empowering. And just like knowing what I needed helped my father to listen in a way he hadn’t before, knowing what you need will help others be able to give it to you. I believe something Paulo Coelho wrote: “When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” But you have to energetically set that in motion by stating it first.
Ask for what you need this week. See what difference it makes. Then share it with us in a comment.
Inspiring Quotes: Ask for What You Need at Work
While you take up the challenge to ask for what you need at work this week, let these quotes inspire your efforts.
Enjoy!
Jennafer
If you don’t ask, you don’t get. ~Mahatma Gandhi
If there is something to gain and nothing to lose by asking, by all means ask! ~W. Clement Stone
People who ask confidently get more than those who are hesitant and uncertain. When you’ve figured out what you want to ask for, do with certainty, boldness and confidence. ~Jack Canfield
Some people fold after making one timid request. They quit too soon. Keep asking until you find the answers. In sales there are usually four or five “no’s” before you get a “yes.” ~Jack Canfield
Most of our obstacles would melt away if, instead of cowering before them, we should make up our minds to walk boldly through them. ~Orison Swett Marden
No passion so effectually robs the mind of all its powers of acting and reasoning as fear. ~Edmund Burke
If you are not moving closer to what you want in sales (or in life), you probably aren’t doing enough asking. ~Jack Canfield
3 Tips to Ask for What You Need at Work
While it’s important for both you and your manager that you ask for what you need at work, it can be difficult to start those types of discussions. Here are a few helpful tips as you take up the challenge to do so this week.
1. Be clear about what you want. Flesh out what you want to say before you talk to your manager. If you need to vent or sort out your thoughts, write them down or talk to a trusted spouse, friend, or coworker so you’re very clear on what you need. This will save both of you time and show your manager you respect his or her time as much as your own.
2. Be direct. Use language that clearly states what you need and its importance. You don’t have to demand anything or be aggressive, but being assertive and sure of yourself goes a long way towards your request being taken seriously. Nothing says “I’m not really sure of myself OR my request” like using lots of “kind of”s and “maybe”s and other tentative language like that. If you’re not sure where to start, feel free to try some of these starter sentences:
“I’ve been thinking about what would help me do my job more efficiently, and I’d like…”
“I do my best work when ____, so I need…”
“In order to be more productive/efficient, I’d like…”
“I need ______ in order to do my job to the best of my ability.”
3. State the business reasons and benefits. Knowing the reason “why” behind a request is crucial for your manager to be able to make it happen. If you state the benefit to the business (greater efficiency/productivity, lower costs to the company, more profits, etc.), it’ll help your manager see you’ve thought it out and give him or her a solid reason to consider it.
There you have it: a few tips to get you started. Think about what you need to do your job better and go ask for it. Then let us know how it went with a comment.
Do you have any tips for making requests of managers? If so, please share them in a comment so we can all grow and learn together.
Ask for What You Need at Work
Don’t laugh, but for a long time I thought that if people had climbed the corporate ladder to become managers or executives, they must know way more than I do about pretty much everything and be able to always foresee problems before they happened. You’re laughing aren’t you? Well, I guess it’s OK since that is pretty unrealistic. See, you have to understand: I’m the oldest child, so I have this thing with automatically giving power to people just because they’re authority figures. But I digress…
However laughably unrealistic that is, I really did used to think it—until I became a manager myself. Now I know from experience how unrealistic that belief is. While, as a manager, it’s important to be a resource for the people who report to you and to be able to foresee problems in order to lead well, it’s impossible to know everything—no matter how experienced and/or qualified you are Managers are only human. We’re not mind readers, and we can’t know everything or see everything coming down the line. I can’t speak for all managers, but I do the best I can, and that’s really all I can do.
Well, as unrealistic as my expectations were, there’s a similar one that I often see women in the workplace suffer from: expecting their managers to be able to know what they need without asking for it. Perhaps it stems from the experience of being women, for our sex does have natural talents towards tending to others, reading body language and subtle cues, and even anticipating needs. So we hope our managers—especially our female ones—will be able to do that for us at work as well. Maybe it’s because we’re socialized as women to try to promote harmony, and asking for what we need from our managers feels like rocking the boat. I’m not sure. But whatever the reason, this unrealistic expectation can lead to a lot of frustration and even resentment and hostility—not to mention less productivity—in the workplace.
Do you have this expectation? If so, I urge you to let it go this week and ask for what you need to do your job well. Even if you’re lucky enough to have a very perceptive manager, you know better than anyone else what helps you be more productive, so ask for it. Your manager actually needs your input to to be able to provide you with the resources, training, and coaching you need to be the most productive team member you can be, and as long as you ask respectfully, it’ll help you both in the end to do so. Your manager will be glad to be aware of your needs, and you’ll feel better for having spoken up.
I know it can be scary to ask for what you need. If you have low trust with your manager, it can be even more scary. Start with something small and go from there. I share a few tips to start conversations like this with your manager in this post. Make sure to share your experience with a comment so we can all learn and grow together.
Inspirational Quotes: Gratitude
While you’re taking the challenge to be grateful for everything, here are some quotes to inspire you.
Enjoy,
Jennafer
When you are grateful fear disappears and abundance appears. ~Anthony Robbins
Silent gratitude isn’t much use to anyone. ~G.B. Stern
If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, “thank you,” that would suffice. ~Meister Eckhart
There is no such thing as gratitude unexpressed. If it is unexpressed, it is plain, old-fashioned ingratitude. ~Robert Brault
Gratitude is the memory of the heart. ~Jean Baptiste Massieu
I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought; and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder. ~G.K. Chesterton
Wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving.~Kahlil Gibran
You say grace before meals. All right. But I say grace before the concert and the opera, and grace before the play and pantomime, and grace before I open a book, and grace before sketching, painting, swimming, fencing, boxing, walking, playing, dancing and grace before I dip the pen in the ink. ~G.K. Chesterton
If a fellow isn’t thankful for what he’s got, he isn’t likely to be thankful for what he’s going to get. ~Frank A. Clark
The unthankful heart… discovers no mercies; but let the thankful heart sweep through the day and, as the magnet finds the iron, so it will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings! ~Henry Ward Beecher
If you count all your assets, you always show a profit. ~Robert Quillen
Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow. ~Unknown
He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has. ~Epictetus
What a miserable thing life is: you’re living in clover, only the clover isn’t good enough. ~Bertolt Brecht, Jungle of Cities, 1924
Gratitude is the best attitude. ~Author Unknown
We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures. ~Thornton Wilder
If you want to turn your life around, try thankfulness. It will change your life mightily. ~Gerald Good
The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings. ~Eric Hoffer
We often take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude. ~Cynthia Ozick
Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it. ~William Arthur Ward
50 Things to Be Grateful For
As you take up the challenge to be grateful for everything, here is a list of things to possibly jump start your own.
1. Sunshine
2. Laughter
3. Family
4. Friends
5. National Parks
6. Movies
7. The Internet
8. Trees
9. Flowers
10. Hopes
11. Dreams
12. Photos
13. The smell of freshly sliced lemons
14. Books
15. Blogs
16. Music
17. Street performers
18. Neighbors
19. Firefighters
20. Police officers
21. Doctors
22. Nurses
23. Paramedics
24. Cars
25. Trains
26. Airplanes
27. Public transportation
28. Little children giggling
29. Pets
30. Electricity
31. Rain
32. Central heating and air conditioning
33. Coats
34. Sunglasses
35. Snowmen
36. Daydreaming
37. Puffy clouds
38. Batteries
39. Phones
40. Utensils
41. Ice cream
42. Pain relievers
43. Clocks
44. Loose change
45. Remote controls
46. Pens
47. Paint
48. Mountains
49. The ocean
50. Coupons
There are many, many more things to be grateful for. What’s something that will be on your list today? Share with a comment.
Be Grateful for Everything
Years ago, I married a man I loved. I thought we’d live happily ever after, but instead, I found myself entangled in an emotionally abusive union that was destructive and painful. I somehow found the courage to leave and end the marriage, but in its wake I found myself heartbroken, devastated, and depressed.
As I struggled to recover, a dear friend gave me The Simple Abundance Journal and suggested I take up its challenge to write down 5 things I was grateful for each day. A companion to the book Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach, the purpose behind the journal is to cultivate a grateful heart and find joy in the little things. I wasn’t finding joy in much at the time, so I figured it was worth a try. Honestly, I was so sad then that I struggled at first to find 5 things to be grateful for each day, and many of those early entries said things like “got through another day” and “cried less than yesterday”. But as I continued to heal, I continued the practice of writing down 5 things each day, and eventually it became easier to fill in those listings. And even though it was a long road to recovery from that experience, that practice of daily gratitude helped me see light where it often felt like there was none.
I’m sure if you’d asked me in those days if I was grateful for that marriage, I would have stared at you blankly or maybe even thought you were crazy for asking. But now, I can honestly say I am grateful for that marriage. It wasn’t what I expected or planned, and it was a painful experience on many levels. But it taught me strength and faith I didn’t know that I had, and I learned a depth of love and support from family and friends I hadn’t experienced previously. Because of it, I have empathy for women who have found themselves in similar relationships, and I developed a sort of radar for people who have abusive tendencies so I can stay as far away as possible and not find myself in that kind of a relationship again. I may not have chosen that experience had I known then what I know now, but I’m truly grateful for what I learned from it all.
Be grateful for everything. Even the sad and terrible things that happen bring lessons and gifts with them, and gratitude is often the key to opening the door to them. It’s easy to be grateful for the good and happy things that happen to us, but gratitude is often needed most in times of pain and darkness. This week, practice gratitude daily. Try noting 5 things each day you’re grateful for, and see if that practice helps you. Then leave a comment to share so we can all grow from one another’s experiences.
Inspirational Quotes: Take Time Away
While you’re taking the challenge to improve your work performance and sanity by taking time away from work, here are some quotes to inspire you.
A good vacation is over when you begin to yearn for your work. ~Morris Fishbein
A vacation is like love – anticipated with pleasure, experienced with discomfort, and remembered with nostalgia. ~Author Unknown
You will soon break the bow if you keep it always stretched. ~Norman Vincent Peale
Too much work, and no vacation,
Deserves at least a small libation.
So hail! my friends, and raise your glasses,
Work’s the curse of the drinking classes.
~Oscar Wilde
Laughter is an instant vacation. ~Milton Berle
Vacation used to be a luxury, but in today’s world it has become a necessity. ~Author Unknown
Take Time Away from Work
It may seem contrary to say, but one of the biggest success factors for optimal work performance is actually taking time away from work. Countless studies have shown the effects of improved productivity and creativity when we take breaks regularly. But that’s sometimes hard to do. I know, because I’m someone who tends to work through her lunch breaks in order to get more done and check email throughout her short vacations so that I don’t have as much catch-up to play upon my return. So I need this topic as much as anyone else, I’d say.
Most of us are very dedicated to our work, whether we work in the home or in an office. That’s part of what makes us so good at what we do, and it’s an admirable trait. In fact, given the choice, most employers would rather hire someone who’s highly dedicated than one that’s not. But part of that dedication should include taking time away so that we can do our best work. It’s not only important to our work, it’s important to our sanity and our sense of balance. I just returned from my first-ever, two-week vacation to California and Arizona. I didn’t check my work email once. I can’t tell you how renewed I feel as I return to work today, and I’m sure that my work will be better for it. I promise you that whatever your job is, you’ll be better at it for taking time away to rejuvenate.
You don’t need to take two weeks’ vacation like I did to feel the benefits. Try any or all of the following to take a bit of time away to recharge:
Take 10-15 minute breaks every 4 hours. This is mandated by some labor laws, but even if you’re self-employed you can make this a practice. Take a quick walk, unplug, read a book, call a friend—do something for that 10-15 minutes that has nothing to do with work. Enjoy that time, and see what a difference it makes after doing it regularly for a week.
Take a lunch break. Even if your lunch break is only 20 minutes, take time away from your work to eat and enjoy your lunch. Try it regularly this week, and you’ll see improvements in your digestion, your blood sugar, and your mood.
Be off in your off hours. Unplug from work mode when you’re off work. Take time to develop interests and do things that pull your mind away from work, such as catching a movie, going out with friends, or taking a class on a non-work-related topic. If you work from home, make sure you leave your house for a few hours a week in your off time to engage your brain in a different setting. If the bulk of your work is on a computer, unplug for a bit when you’re off to make sure you’re re-energized in different ways. Don’t check your work email or work on projects related to work. Really be off for a week to see what difference it makes to your mood and your work performance.
Take a vacation. Whether it’s a week-long trip to a location you haven’t visited or a few-day stay-cation around town, take some extended time away from work to see how it helps re-energize you.
This week, try one or more of these ideas to take time away from work. I promise it will help you improve your sanity and your work performance. Then please share your experiences and insights with us in a comment.
Red rocks of Sedona, Arizona
Be Open to Spiritual Guidance
It’s only human to feel stuck every once and a while. Life gets difficult and perspectives narrow, and we need a little help now and then. I know it happens to me, and in those times I need a little guidance and perspective.
When you feel stuck, where do you turn for help? Do you read an inspirational memoir or a self-help book? Talk to a relative, coworker, or a good friend? All of these are wonderful options to give you some needed perspective. And sometimes I’ve found that the guidance I need is something beyond even the best friends or books. That’s when I’ve found being open to spiritual guidance can give me much-needed answers, direction, and peace.
You don’t have to be uber-religious or a Zen master to be receive spiritual guidance. You don’t even have to be certain what you think or believe about the metaphysical world. I’ve found that just have to be open to it for it to come. You just have to do three things:
1. Get quiet. It’s hard to receive answers when your mind is buzzing or you’re stressed or preoccupied with all of the noise that vies for our attention every day. Unplug and sit quietly. Go on a walk. Go to nature. Just remove yourself from your to-do list and the hustle and bustle long enough to hear something besides all of that.
2. Get centered. Get out of your head and into your body so when the answers come you can really recognize them. Here are 5 tips to help you.
3. Ask and listen. I’m not going to guarantee that you’ll physically hear a voice or you’ll see angels or a light or anything, because it’s not always like that. More often than not, when you really need answers and ask honestly, and when you’re quiet and centered, they come. Maybe they’ll come from inside of you and you’ll feel them suddenly or gradually. Or maybe the next time you talk to that friend or read that book the next thing you hear or read will be just what you need. But when you sincerely need something and are open to it, I believe the answers come.
The next time you feel stuck, be open to spiritual guidance. Whether it’s something with work or life, whether it’s something seemingly small or a pivotal life decision, spiritual guidance can help you navigate it with peace and assurance.
Please take a moment to share a time you received spiritual guidance if you feel comfortable. We’d love to read it to learn & grow together.
The Power of Networking
Networking often gets a bad rap for being superficial or impersonal. Some people dismiss it and others live by it. Whatever your feelings about it, networking can be a powerful thing.
But the power of networking isn’t about the number of referrals or recommendations you get or even about getting ahead in your career. Don’t get me wrong—those things are useful and beneficial. But the true power of networking is connecting the right people with the right opportunities, and that can change lives. When the right people are put in the right jobs, it can make all the difference for the employer and the employee, and that doesn’t happen just from superficially knowing names or people in positions of power. It happens when you know someone’s strengths and talents, what energizes them and makes them come alive. It happens when you know someone’s weaknesses and challenges, too. To network well means to connect on much more than a superficial level so that when the right opportunities come up those connections can happen and change the course of the company and the employee. If you’ve ever gotten a great job through networking or been able to connect someone with a job that was the perfect fit for them, you know what I’m talking about.
So how do you get in on this powerful thing called networking? Start by making connections. Here are two ways to try.
Join a Meetup. There are many groups in your area where you can meet people for networking or shared interests. Type in your zip code and a search term, and a list of groups will pop up for you to choose from. You don’t have to be an outgoing, extroverted, social butterfly to participate either—just choose which meet ups you’ll attend and when. If there isn’t one near you and you’re feeling ambitious, start your own group and set meet ups at your own pace.
Join LinkedIn. As one of the three biggest social media sites (the other two being Twitter and Facebook), LinkedIn offers opportunities for connection with many different business contacts, all from the comfort of your computer. For a great article about how to use LinkedIn correctly, read this Chris Brogan article.
However you choose to engage in it, get involved in networking—it’s a powerful thing that can lead to big changes and great opportunities.
Have you had experiences with networking? Share a comment with any tips or experiences you’d like to share.
Finding Your Purpose
It was one of my “A-Ha” moments… when the speaker said something that has stuck with me for many years. He was just sharing his thoughts about serving others, but for me, it was so much more than that. While I don’t remember his exact words, I can paraphrase and share what I took away from his thoughts:
“If you are looking for meaning in your life, you will find it by serving others. If you are looking for self-esteem and confidence in your life, you will find it by taking care of those around you. If you are discouraged and depressed, nothing will pick you up faster than focusing on how you can help someone else on their path.”
I have reflected on his words many many times. Unfortunately, we live in such a high-paced, low-touch society and it’s very easy to feel alone, disconnected and alienated. Even at work, surrounded by people who have the same common goals, it’s very possible to feel lonely or unneeded.
Do you feel at home in your life? Do you feel safe and happy around your family, friends, neighbors, co-workers, and co-members of the groups you participate in? If not, this is your opportunity to make a difference.
It actually breaks my heart to see how many people feel all alone. I was in New York last week and couldn’t help but notice how many people appeared to be desperately lonely. Whether it was the older woman walking down the street with her one little grocery bag or the man sitting alone on the subway… everywhere I looked there were mobs of people, yet you could see the sadness of loneliness on many faces.
If you are feeling discouraged, sad, or alone, it’s time to serve others. There is no faster way of having meaning in your life than to take care of someone else’s needs. As soon as you start looking for opportunities to share your time and talents with others, you’ll find that your gifts can be a spectacular blessing in the lives of those around you. You’ll also find that your well becomes filled with people and purpose.
Take the challenge today to look beyond your normal viewpoint and extend a helping hand to others. Your entire life can change when you serve others.
Until next time friends,
Tara
Who Are You?
If someone were to ask you today, “Who are you?” how would you answer? Would you say your name? Your title at work? The roles you take on each day?
I could answer that question in many ways. I’m an extremely proud aunt, an ENFJ, a writer, a Capricorn, a native Californian, a music lover, a member of Generation X, a Reiki master, a bird owner… so many things. I’m sure you could answer the question in just as many, if not more, ways.
But as I mentioned previously, we are so much more than our roles, our names, and what we do. Who we are is comprised of so much. Why is it, then, that we can let what we do feel like it’s who we are, and we end up tangled up—or worse, lost in—it sometimes?
To do less and be more, we need to give more importance to who we are outside of and beyond what we do. It’s easy to get caught up in “being” an employee or “being” a mom, and those are very important. But what’s even more important is to be able to set aside pressing deadlines at work or activities at home and make time to be who we truly are. In those moments of stillness and clarity, whether we’re meditating or sharing a great conversation with a friend, we transcend our roles and our routines to be more in touch with our true selves. And when we have that perspective, that clarity, it means we’re able to be more centered in our authentic selves and give more to those roles and routines without letting them define us.
How do you gain that clarity and perspective? How do you set aside what you do to get really clear on who you are? Leave a comment to share and help us all learn and grow from your wisdom.
How do you create moments of stillness and clarity so that you're clear about who you are outside of what you do?
Do Less. Be More.
“Get more done.”
“Maximize your time.”
“Multitask.”
“Be more efficient.”
These are pretty common messages these days, telling us to do more. And we all have a lot to do. Most people have such continuously full to-do lists that we need different ways to keep track of those tasks, from PDAs to Google docs to post-its. And while everything we have to do is important, it’s just as important to realize that we are more than what we do.
In the midst of your busy life and long to-do list, take time to do just a little less and simply be a little more. It doesn’t take long, and it will add so much more to your sense of well-being than checking tasks off your to-do list.
Take time to sit and just think.
Take in your surroundings.
Pay attention to what you see, hear, smell and feel.
Embrace quiet.
Breathe.
Be.
Take time to simply be who you are.
Release the Need to Complain
It’s normal to get frustrated from time to time, and complaining to a friend or coworker is sometimes the quickest way to feel better. It’s one thing to vent—a short, get-it-all-out-of-your-system rant—and quite another to let venting become chronic complaining. Chronic complaining is counter-productive for you and draining to those listening to you. I’m sure you’ve known someone who’s a chronic complainer. After a while of listening to someone like that, it’s easy to lose sympathy for them or even feel like they bring you down.
In order to be effective, you need to release the need to complain and move forward to finding solutions quickly.
How do you release the need to complain? One of the things I’ve found effective in avoiding Chronic Complaining Syndrome is to ask myself, “Given what’s going on, what IS in my power to do?” And then I move forward to do that. There may be a lot of things out of your control, but there’s always something you can do. And the more you concentrate on that, the less you’ll concentrate on complaining—and the more solution-oriented and productive you’ll be.
This week, release the need to complain. Move to solutions and concentrate on what you can do. Avoid Chronic Complaining Syndrome. And come share your success stories with us so we can all learn together.
Creating Synchronicity
I have to admit I love it when things just come together. You know what I mean… when a plan just works without a lot of roadblocks or problems? It’s amazing to me! That’s when I know I’m on the right track.
I’ve also had times when there are problems right and left – when everything I try seems to fail.
Let me give you an example of each.
Several years ago I wanted to open a wellness / fitness center. It just felt like the right thing to do. As I started making plans, the right resources seemed to fall in my lap. I found an equipment dealer that sold fitness equipment for unbelievable prices, a perfect location and staff members who were phenomenal. It was a dream come true. Everything fell into place and I knew I was doing exactly the right thing.
A few years later my husband and I found a gorgeous, yet struggling, beauty salon/spa for sale. We were very excited about the prospects of buying and fixing the business to be profitable and fit for resale. The night before we signed the papers I had a strong feeling that we shouldn’t do it. We did it anyway. We had nothing but problems from day one. Every time we turned around there were numerous, huge issues weighing on us. I think we both aged about 20 years that spring! Ultimately, we ended up in a lawsuit that was detrimental to everyone – emotionally, spiritually and financially.
When we are on the right path, it’s easy. I’m not saying we don’t have to contribute to make our dreams happen. Of course we do. But when we are pursuing the RIGHT dream, the pieces fall into place naturally.
What are you working on in your life that feels like a struggle? Do you feel like you are banging your head against the wall? If so, that’s a very good time to stop and re-evaluate. Perhaps you need to change directions, plans or paths altogether. It’s not a failure… it’s a chance to make changes before things really get bad. It’s also a chance to create the right environment for amazing results. When you are pursuing the right path, heavenly helpers guide the way to help you!
Your challenge this week: Determine an area in your life that just isn’t working. Spend some time reflecting on what you could do differently (which may include scrapping the whole project). Sleep in it for a night or two, asking for some heavenly guidance. Then go to work to do it right!
Good luck friends,
Tara
Inspiring Quotes: Synchronicity
While you’re looking for synchronicity in your life, ponder these inspirational quotes. I hope you enjoy them!
Jennafer
Synchronicity is an ever present reality for those who have eyes to see. ~Carl Jung
Factual information alone isn’t sufficient to guide you through life’s labyrinthine tests. You need and deserve regular deliveries of uncanny revelation. One of your inalienable rights as a human being should therefore be to receive a mysteriously useful omen every day of your life. ~Rob Brezsny
Though we can’t always see it at the time, if we look upon events with some perspective, we see things always happen for our best interests. We are always being guided in a way better than we know ourselves. ~Swami Satchidananda
In shamanistic cultures, synchronicities are considered to be teachings as well as sign indicating where one should focus one’s attention, such correspondences demonstrate the usually hidden links between the individual psyche and the larger world. ~Daniel Pinchbeck
Synchronicity reveals the meaningful connections between the subjective and objective world. ~Carl G. Jung
Synchronistic events offer us perceptions that may be useful in our psychological and spiritual growth and may reveal to us, through intuitive knowledge, that our lives have meaning. ~Jean Shinoda Bolen
The intellect has little to do on the road to discovery. There comes a leap in consciousness, call it Intuition or what you will, the solution comes to you and you don’t know how or why. ~Albert Einstein
Coincidences are spiritual puns. ~G.K. Chesterton
There is no such thing as chance; and what seem to us merest accident springs from the deepest source of destiny. ~Friedrich Schiller
When we’re interested in something, everything around us appears to refer to it. ~Paulo Coelho
The entire universe is a great theater of mirrors, a set of hieroglyphs to decipher; everything is a sign, everything harbors and manifests mystery. The principles of contradiction, of excluded middle, and of linear causality are supplanted by those of resolution, of included middle, and of synchronicity. ~ Alice A. Bailey
Did blind chance know that there was light and what was its refraction, and fit the eyes of all creatures after the most curious manner to make use of it? These and other suchlike considerations, always have, and always will prevail with mankind, to believe that there is a Being who made all things, who has all things in his power, and who is therefore to be feared. ~Isaac Newton
Synchronicity…means a ‘meaningful coincidence’ of outer and inner events that are not themselves causally connected. The emphasis lies on the word ‘meaningful’. ~ Marie Louise von Franz
See the Synchronicity
If you’re like me, it’s possible your introduction to the word “synchronicity” was the title to an album by The Police. Although that’s a fabulous album, synchronicity is so much more than that. And although it’s about seemingly unrelated occurrences, it’s also much more than coincidence. Synchronicity is about seeing beyond things that happen to their meaning and, as such, is one of the most important ways that we experience the divine.
It happens often. I’ll be going through my life, and then different things will happen to me that bring something to my awareness. It could be as simple as a friend talking about a book she just read, and then my seeing ad for that same book a little later. Separately they didn’t really capture my attention, but the synchronicity of their mentions taken together suddenly brings it to my attention.
It may seem small, but synchronicity is one of the subtle ways the divine speaks to us. There are messages all around us every day, pointing us in the direction of things we should pay attention to, whether it’s a book we should read, a person we should speak to, a direction our lives should go in, etc. The trick is being aware enough to see the synchronicity and understand its meaning for you.
This week, I invite you to see the synchronicity in your life. What’s the universe trying to tell you? Realizing it in your conversations, your actions, and the things you see and hear is the beginning of understanding a message the universe is trying to share. Sometimes that message is that we are much more interconnected than we sometimes feel, and sometimes it’s much more personalized. But the message is there if we pay attention. As you see the synchronicity, if you’re comfortable, share an experience in a comment so we can all share in and benefit from it.
Like the colors and design in this painting, we are all interconnected, and synchronicity is one way we experience that.
Be Proactive
If you’re fortunate enough to work in a place where there are never any problems and you’re completely happy every day, you can feel free to skip this post—it’s not for you. Still reading? Then you’re probably one of the many of us that, at one time or another, has dealt with less-than-completely-peachy times at work. Maybe it’s longer work hours than you’d like or a boss you don’t see eye-to-eye with, cut backs that add to your work load, and so on. Don’t worry—you’re not alone. It’s pretty normal to go through difficulties at work—in fact, I’ve never met anyone that hasn’t experienced them. But how do you handle them?
Even though you may not be able to control a lot of the things that happen at work, you have a lot more influence than you think when you choose to be proactive rather than reactive. By being proactive, you can solve problems and be a force for good at work no matter what’s going on around you. Here are some suggestions to do just that.
Offer solutions. It’s easy to complain (that’s why so many people do it) and the result can often be feeling like a victim. Instead, try offering solutions. This helps people and situations move forward rather than staying stuck. You’ll find your point of view stands out when you offer solutions, and your coworkers and employer will find that an invaluable skill.
Think ahead. When working on projects or tasks at work, think ahead to anticipate possible concerns, roadblocks, reactions, and needs of that task. Then act to resolve those concerns before they happen wherever possible.
Start where you are. Don’t assume that all problems should be solved by those higher up on the corporate ladder than yourself. Proactivity is everyone’s opportunity, and the more people there are being proactive, the more your team, department, and the company benefits, whether it comes from someone at an entry- or an executive-level position.
This week, be proactive at work. It’ll make a difference to you, your coworkers, and your company. Then come back to share how it went with a comment. You can do it!
Inspiring Quotes: Laughter
Here are some quotes about laughter that I hope in your quest to bring a little humor into your life. If you have one I’ve missed, please share with a comment.
Enjoy!
Jennafer
The human race has only one really effective weapon and that is laughter. ~Mark Twain
At the height of laughter, the universe is flung into a kaleidoscope of new possibilities. ~Jean Houston
The most wasted of all days is one without laughter. ~e.e. cummings
We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a dentist. ~Joseph Heller
Laughter is an instant vacation. ~Milton Berle
A laugh is a smile that bursts. ~Mary H. Waldrip
Nothing shows a man’s character more than what he laughs at. ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul. ~Yiddish Proverb
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor’s book. ~Irish Proverb
Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward. ~Kurt Vonnegut
I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge – myth is more potent than history – dreams are more powerful than facts – hope always triumphs over experience – laughter is the cure for grief – love is stronger than death. ~Robert Fulghum
Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects. ~Arnold Glasow
Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on. ~Bob Newhart
I’ve always thought that a big laugh is a really loud noise from the soul saying, “Ain’t that the truth.” ~Quincy Jones
Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face. ~Victor Hugo
Man, when you lose your laugh you lose your footing. ~Ken Kesey
Laughter is the corrective force which prevents us from becoming cranks. ~Henri Bergson
A man isn’t poor if he can still laugh. ~Raymond Hitchcock
Remember, men need laughter sometimes more than food. ~Anna Fellows Johnston
You can’t deny laughter; when it comes, it plops down in your favorite chair and stays as long as it wants. ~Stephen King, Hearts in Atlantis
Carry laughter with you wherever you go. ~Hugh Sidey
Bring Humor into Your Life
When was the last time you used your sense of humor? We all have one—whether it’s silly, zany, twisted, offbeat, or, like mine, on the sarcastic side—but it’s easy to let the demands of life hinder our ability to use it on a regular basis. If you haven’t used your sense of humor lately, I invite you to dust it off and bring it into your life today and every day this week. It’s not only a valuable coping skill in trying to balance all of life’s demands, it’s also an essential aspect of a healthy mental outlook on life. A regularly used sense of humor will help you gain perspective so you can laugh when things don’t go as planned, helping you gain more balance.
If your sense of humor needs a kick start, I suggest you try one or more of the following ideas.
*Watch a funny movie. Some of my laugh-out-loud favorites are Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story, Date Night, The Hangover, The Wedding Singer, or any of the Toy Story movies.
Catch a funny movie like Date Night to tickle your funny bone.
*Go to a local comedy club or check out comedians on Netflix, YouTube, or Comedy Central. Jeff Dunham, Rita Rudner, classic Bill Cosby, and Paula Poundstone are some of my favorites.
Check out comedian Jeff Dunham, whose routine includes several puppets, such as Achmed, a deceased terrorist, pictured here.
*Catch a funny television show. Some of my favorite smartly funny shows currently are The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, The Colbert Report, The Big Bang Theory, and How I Met Your Mother.
Watch funny TV shows like The Big Bang Theory to give you a smile.
*read a comic in the funny pages of your local newspaper or online. From classic Cathy to fabulous Far Side and everywhere in between, in just a few pictures they can put a smile on your face.
Try a comic strip such as Cathy for a quick laugh.
Change Directions
A handful of years ago, I worked for a magazine that had great content but not-so-great sales. It was a general crafting magazine, and at the time, the market was demanding more niche publications than general ones. So, even though readers had loved that magazine for more than 25 years, it was time to change directions and refocus it.
A lot of people were sad. Some people were indignant, and others were outright angry. Change can be difficult, and not everyone welcomes it, let alone embraces it.
But a lot of people did welcome the change and embraced the new magazine that was born from that change in direction (Paper Crafts magazine) with open arms. It sold well from the start and continues to thrive. So that change in direction was not only necessary at the time, it turned out to benefit a lot of people and be profitable.
In business and in life, sometimes it’s necessary to change direction. While it’s not always easy or fun—in fact, it can be down-right painful and even heart-breaking at times—it’s still necessary. Don’t be afraid to change directions. Acknowledge which way you need to go, plot a course, and go towards it full steam ahead. Doing so doesn’t mean you failed, nor does it negate or take away from the importance of the original direction. You can honor it while you embrace the change. You never know where that new direction could take you—to new lessons, new customers, new friends, new (or even more) profits, or any combination thereof.
Inspiring Quotes: Intention
I hope you enjoy these inspiration quotes about intention. Some of them made me think and others laugh, but they all inspired me. If you know of one that I missed, please leave a comment to share.
-Jennafer
“All that counts in life is intention.” ~Andrea Bocelli
“Live with intention. Walk to the edge. Listen hard. Practice wellness. Play with abandon. Laugh. Choose with no regret. Appreciate your friends. Continue to learn. Do what you love. Live as if this is all there is.” ~Mary Anne Radmacher
“Leadership is the wise use of power. Power is the capacity to translate intention into reality and sustain it.” ~Warren G. Bennis
“Unless you marry intention to action, you end up with only a brief affair.” ~Unknown
“Quality is never an accident; it is always the result of high intention, sincere effort, intelligent direction and skillful execution; it represents the wise choice of many alternatives.” ~William A. Foster
“Our intention creates our reality.” ~Wayne Dyer
“It is not good enough for things to be planned – they still have to be done; for the intention to become a reality, energy has to be launched into operation.” ~Walt Kelly
“The smallest good deed is better than the grandest intention.” ~Unknown
“A good intention clothes itself with power.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
Good Intentions… Gone Bad
Hi Everyone! I’m so sorry for being MIA the last part of last week. I had “good intentions” but life got in the way. Thanks for being patient with me!
So… what is the deal with intentions, anyway? A few years ago I watched, “The Secret”, a documentary type film about attracting things into your life. Essentially, the contributors said you should think about what you want, imagine it, make a goal poster about it, write it where you’ll it often, and even include it in an affirmation you say throughout the day.
“Hot Dog,” I thought! I can do all of those things. I entered into the exciting world of poster board, glue sticks and pictures cut out of magazines. I wrote my affirmations. I put up papers everywhere. I even created a list of things to include in my nightly prayers.
I waited patiently at first (you know… the first 15 minutes or so) while nothing changed. What had I done wrong? I did everything the movie said. Where was all the wealth, the skinny body and incredible joy I had planned to attract into my life?
Well, that was a failed experiment. Or was it?
Here’s what I learned:
1. Intentioning doesn’t happen overnight. It’s like any skill we undertake – the more we do it, the better we get. But being clear about what you want helps you, and your Heavenly Helpers, to make your goals a reality.
2. Attracting takes consistency. Sure, some things come quickly. But most things take time and we have to continually focus, affirm and ask for what we want.
3. The biggest lesson of all – we have a role in making the intention manifest itself. Just as I had intentions of sharing on the blog last week… in order for that intention to manifest, I needed to show up. When I was absent, the intention fell apart. The same principle applies to every aspect of attracting – we have to SHOW UP to make the attraction materialize. Showing up may mean working for your goal, surrounding yourself and networking with the people who can help you, putting physical, mental and spiritual energy into the goal, and creating space in your life for what you want.
Yes, I do believe there is tremendous value in writing goals down, reflecting on intentions regularly and visualizing what you are trying to attract. However, putting effort and work towards your intentions is necessary to seeing them manifest in your life. And asking for some Heavenly Help doesn’t hurt, either.
Until next time, Friends,
Tara
The Power of Intention
Sometimes when people say, “It’s the thought that counts”, they’re trying to make you feel better—even console you. But the thought really is what counts when it comes to intentions, our inner resolve.
So much of what happens in our lives begins with our intentions. Our thoughts have great power to shape our lives. It can be easy to live our lives going through the motions of our routines, almost unconsciously. But being clear about our intentions is the first step towards making our lives what we want them to be.
There are 4 areas of life around which I encourage you to be clear about your intentions this week.
Actions & Activities. Think about what your intentions are for your actions and activities this week. What do you intend to get out of them? What do you intend to put into them? Whether you’re going to work, running errands, taking a trip, calling a friend, cleaning the house, giving a presentation in class, hanging out with friends, or volunteering at the local children’s hospital, your actions and activities matter. They say a lot about your character and priorities, so making sure they’re done with intention and purpose will enable you to put the most into—and get the most out of—them.
Attitudes and Aptitudes. Think about what your intentions are beyond what you do to who you want to be and what your gifts and abilities are. As yourself:
*What attitude do you intend to reflect as you go about your activities?
*What kind of person do you intend to be?
*What gifts do you intend to develop and share?
*What skills do you intend to acquire or hone?
Being clear about these things both guides your actions and activities and helps you live a more conscious, aware life, and that empowers you to grow and achieve your goals and potential.
It’s incredibly powerful to be clear about—and live your life by—your intentions. It can help your life feel purposeful and directed, and give even more meaning to your daily routine. When you’re consciously aware of how your actions, activities, attitudes and aptitudes reflect your intentions, you can feel the same satisfaction you do achieving a goal you set for yourself. It’s energizing and empowering. This week, I challenge you to be clear about your intentions. Leave a comment to let us know how it goes. Good luck!
Power of Intention painting by Deborah Mori
Listen to Yourself More
Listening to others more is very important to gaining understanding. But I also want to encourage you to listen more to yourself. This is a skill that’s sometimes harder to master than listening to others because self-doubt creeps in, often leading to second guessing ourselves. But I’ve found through experience—and I truly believe—that when we honestly listen to ourselves despite self-doubt, we’ll find not only answers we need, but inner wisdom, clarity, and courage.
Listen to your body. As the home of your mind and spirit, your body has a lot of wisdom to offer. Emotions manifest themselves and process through your body, so listening to your body can give you clarity about how you’re feel when you’re unsure. Pay attention to the ways your body responds to know when you’re:
*scared (For me, it’s my pulse or heart racing, muscles contracting, breathing becoming more rapid, etc.)
*stressed (I get tense muscles in my neck and shoulders, and my stomach churns, unsettled.)
*confused (I start to feel mentally far away and breathe more shallowly than normal.)
*and any other emotions. You get the idea.
I also want to encourage you to listen to your body’s limits. In general, Americans tend to “power through”, so I have a tendency to ignore my body and keep going even when I’m ill or tired and it’s clearly telling me that resting may be the best course of action. Our bodies have limits, and that’s ok. When we’re really listening to our bodies, we can find ourselves rested, nourished, and healthy instead of overtired, undernourished and ill. That sounds like something worth listening to.
Listen to your inner voice. You have a lot of wisdom inside of you, and listening to your inner voice is how you tap into it to solve dilemmas and know which choices to make. Whatever we call it—a gut feel, a feeling deep inside, a voice in your head, a lightbulb going off—that inner voice has a lot of answers to the things troubling or puzzling us.
What does your voice sound like or how does it manifest itself? Sometimes my inner voice is a sarcastic voice in my head (fitting for a person prone to sarcasm, I suppose) that knocks some sense into me or helps me ligthten up. Sometimes it’s a strong feeling from deep inside me that confirms or denies something immediately, often before I’ve even fully mentally processed it. However your inner voice speaks, try to listen to it more. I’ve found the more I do, the more I trust it, which means the less self-doubt creeps in and more wisdom is allowed to come out.
Today, try listening to yourself more. I’m certain you’ll find your body and inner voice have a lot to offer. Leave a comment to share your experiences or tips so we can learn from them.
Listen with More Empathy
Have you ever had the experience of pouring your heart out to someone, only to feel like they haven’t heard a word you’ve said? That happened to me, not too long ago, and it left me feeling discouraged. It also made me take stock of my own listening skills and pay better attention to whether or not I was truly listening when people talked.
Listening—not just passively but with true empathy—is not only an important skill but a gift. It helps the listener feel truly heard and helps you connect on a deeper level. But how do you listen with empathy, let alone demonstrate that you’re listening with empathy? Here are some tips, some of which we covered at a recent training at work:
*put yourself in the person’s place mentally to imagine how he or she feels
*make and maintain eye contact
*have open body language (hands at your side or in your lap, arms uncrossed, etc.)
Closed body language can denote disinterest, instead of empathetic listening.
*keep focus on the person speaking
*nod in agreement
*restate what you’ve heard
*briefly share an experience to show you know where someone is coming from. (Keeping it brief will continue to keep the focus on them and not you.)
Today, I challenge you to listen with more empathy. It’s a gift you’ll give to both the listener and yourself. We’d love to read your experiences, so please feel free to share your experience by leaving a comment here.
“Make a habit of dominating the listening and let the customers dominate the talking.” – Brian Tracy
Have you ever met a salesperson who spends his or her time trying to impress you with how much they know or how amazing they think they are? I have worked in sales for over 20 years and it makes me cringe when a sales professional tries to sell me something without listening.
It expands beyond sales. Have you ever tried to get help from customer service and before you can even start to explain your problem, you are cut off and disregarded?
What about at home? Do you find yourself multi-tasking and missing half (or more) of what your friends and family are telling you?
I believe that the biggest key to creating a successful relationship with customers, family and friends is to let them do most of the talking. By listening to their problems, suggestions or questions, you can create trust faster and develop a strong relationship easier than anything else you can do. Pay attention to others, re-state their problems and offer solutions that are specific to them.
Listening is a skill that can build confidence, trust and strengthen relationships. However, dominating a conversation or only partially paying attention can weaken relationships, weaken trust and put a wall between people.
Have you ever listened to Dr. Laura on the radio? Regardless of whether you agree or disagree with her, one fact remains… she is a poor listener. She rarely lets her caller finish their question and she answers whatever it is she “thinks” the person has called about. Quite often, she doesn’t even address the actual question or issue – she doesn’t listen long enough to get to that point. She has her own agenda and rarely customizes her advice to truly meet the needs of the caller.
How often do we do this in our everyday life. I hate to admit that for quite awhile I was a sentence finisher. Instead of letting the other person finish their thought or comment (especially if they were slow about it), I’d finish what they were saying. Often, I was wrong. They were making a different point than what I was hearing. It’s a rude habit that I still have to watch!
Listening is a skill. It’s something that takes effort, practice and consistency. Don’t you love to talk to a person who truly listens?! Isn’t it awesome to have a conversation with someone who is focused on you and paying attention to what you have to say? I don’t know if there is a greater gift you can give someone else than to listen intently to what they are really saying.
Today’s challenge is to pay attention to your listening habits. Watch how you pay attention to what someone is telling you. Do you tune your kids out part-way through the conversation? Do you cut off your spouse in the middle of their thought? Do you dominate the conversation with customers? All of these habits can be broken! You can become the amazing listener in the life of those around you!
Until next time, Friends,
Tara
Listen More
“To listen well, is as powerful a means of influence as to talk well.” ~Chinese proverb
Several years ago, I had a supervisor who was an amazing listener. She made and maintained eye contact, asked questions, and respectfully and attentively listened. I always felt truly heard when I walked away from a conversation with her, and that was not only very validating for me, it also inspired a great deal of loyalty from me. That supervisor exemplified the proverb above to me, as her listening was powerfully influential.
Unfortunately, sometimes listening well isn’t always as plentiful a resource at work as it should be. Most of our job descriptions specify giving input, participating in meetings, giving feedback, etc.—but not many job descriptions call for listening well. And sometimes we’re so busy trying to think of what we’ll say in reply that we don’t really hear what’s said.
Today, I challenge you to listen more. Whether you work in an office or a home, as a volunteer or a CEO, and whether you work with children, adults or animals, take time to listen to what they’re saying. Pay attention to the emotion in their words and body language, and listen to truly hear them and understand rather than to respond. Besides influence, if can give you:
*greater understanding of the person, situation, or circumstance;
*stronger relationships with higher levels of trust and interdependency; and
*higher productivity overall.
Whether you’re a supervisor listening to those who report to you or listening to another coworker, truly listening can be a powerful gift you give to others. Try it and let us know how it goes by leaving a comment.
Truly listening can be highly influential at work, whether or not you're the boss.
Working Miracles
It’s not often you think about miracles going hand in hand with work. But sometimes our work—whether it’s the kind we get paid for or the kind we volunteer for or devote our lives to—can change lives, and that’s miraculous. I want to share a few of my working miracles with you.
I was a preschool teacher for many years, and I was able to have a hand in guiding little children. I witnessed beautiful miracles in that job as children grew and learned around me.
I’ve been involved in rescuing small parrots through a local group for a couple of years now, and I’ve been able to witness many miracles as these little birds learn to trust and thrive after being in neglectful situations.
Nacho the cockatiel, one of the birds I've worked with through a local rescue group whose presence in my life has been pretty miraculous.
I was introduced to reiki about 5 years ago, and utilizing it has brought miraculous healing to myself and others. I think that’s pretty miraculous. (If you’re interested in learning more about reiki, I highly recommend Reiki Awakening.)
Currently, I’m an editor for a magazine, one that inspires people to creatively tell their stories. Creativity is very healing, and the experiences readers have recounted as they’ve connected to their families and their own lives even more through scrapbooking are pretty miraculous to me.
The work I’ve engaged in has brought about blessings and miracles. Maybe they aren’t huge ones, but they don’t have to be huge to be life-changing. Your work can do the same. Look for the miracles that occur through your work in your own life and the lives of others. Embrace them and perpetuate them. And if you feel comfortable, share them here with a comment so we can all experience them.
A Dose of Miracles
I’ve been thinking about miracles… specifically how miracles are performed by people in our lives. On Tuesday I wrote about a small, yet poignant miracle that happened because people I loved responded to the heavenly call.
Today I want to turn the tables - what can you do to be a miracle in someone else’s life? How can you hear the call to answer someone’s plea for help?
Here are a couple of suggestions to help you to be a miracle in someone’s life:
1. Ask for opportunities. God is always looking for a someone willing to help! The more you are willing to join forces with Heaven, the more chances will come your way.
2. Act on your intuition. If you get a hit that someone needs help, don’t squash the feeling. That’s the message you’ve been waiting for! If you get a gut feeling to call someone, make a visit or say a kind word, act on it.
3. Look for opportunities. When you see that cute little old lady walking out of the grocery store, offer to help her get her groceries in her car. The frazzled mother with four crying kids could use a friendly helping hand. The older man at the end of the street may need help getting his garbage cans out to the corner on trash day.
I really believe that participating in a miracle (whether you are the giver or receiver) is a true partnership with Heaven. It’s fulfilling one of the core reasons we are here – to help and support each other on our life journeys. You never know when your act of kindness may be a miracle in the life of the recipient.
Today’s challenge is to reach out (even get out of your comfort zone, if necessary) to others. Find ways to encourage and life others and take part in performing a daily dose of miracles.
Until next time, Friends,
Tara
Inspiring Quotes about Miracles
You know how I love inspiring quotes. What could be more inspiring than quotes about miracles? Here’s to the miracles in our lives—may we see and celebrate them! Enjoy!
Love works in miracles every day: such as weakening the strong, and strengthening the weak; making fools of the wise, and wise men of fools; favouring the passions, destroying reason, and in a word, turning everything topsy-turvy. ~Marguerite De Valois
Seeing, hearing and feeling are miracles, and each part and tag of me is a miracle. ~Walt Whitman
Miracles occur naturally as expressions of love. The real miracle is the love that inspires them. In this sense everything that comes from love is a miracle. ~Marie Lloyd
You can become blind by seeing each day as a similar one. Each day is a different one, each day brings a miracle of its own. It’s just a matter of paying attention to this miracle. ~Paulo Coelho
Deep listening is miraculous for both listener and speaker. When someone receives us with open-hearted, non-judging, intensely interested listening, our spirits expand. ~Sue Patton Thoele
To me every hour of the day and night is an unspeakably perfect miracle. ~Walter Chrysler
Love is the great miracle cure. Loving ourselves works miracles in our lives. ~Louise L. Hay
True miracles are created by men when they use the courage and intelligence that God gave them. ~Unknown
I think miracles exist in part as gifts and in part as clues that there is something beyond the flat world we see. ~Peggy Noonan
Once all struggle is grasped, miracles are possible. ~Mao Tse-Tung
Out of difficulties grow miracles. ~Jean de la Bruyere
Received a Miracle Lately?
When was the last time you witnessed a miracle? I mean a REAL miracle. Something that happened that was unexpected and was exactly what you needed exactly when you needed it.
Let me tell you about one of those experiences I had just a few weeks ago. I had a really rough day. It was one of those days that I just kept telling myself I would laugh about later (by the way, I haven’t laughed about it… yet). When I went home that night, I was almost in tears. I was so hurt, sad, frustrated, angry, resentful, and scared. I wasn’t in control of my emotions and had let someone close to me affect me in many negative ways. I felt so alone. You have felt that way before, too, haven’t you.
As I was driving home that night, I prayed. Honestly, there was nothing else I could do. Everything that had happened was beyond my control and all I could do was get Heavenly support. I asked specifically that God would put someone in my life to reach out and be kind and supportive to me.
Let me add a disclaimer here to say that I have been blessed with many wonderful friends and family members that I could have called in my moment of need. But this particular moment, I needed Heaven to take over and take care of me.
I got home to see my two adorable little dogs. I was so glad they were there, wagging their tails and licking me happily when I walked in the door. Miracle… check!
It wasn’t twenty minutes later that a friend of mine called out of the blue. I hadn’t talked to him in months and we didn’t talk on a regular basis. In fact, prior to the conversation a few months ago, it had been years since we talked. But he was driving home from work that night and felt like he should call to say hi. Miracle… check check check!
The evening ended with a call from a co-worker who was headed home from dinner and got a feeling he should call to see how I was doing. I’ve stopped counting the miracles at this point and shed tears of joy and gratitude for the tremendous outpouring of love that God has just shown me.
We sometimes think that miracles are these huge, life-altering events that only happen to a very select group of people on the news. But there are miracles every day that go unnoticed. That night was a miracle for me. By most standards, it was a calm, somewhat uneventful night. By my standards, it was a direct answer to my request. I asked for Heavenly support and a miracle ensued. It is a night I will never forget.
For the last few years, I have become more much sensitive to Heavenly help in my life. I ask for it more frequently and recognize it more consistently. One thing I don’t think I’ll ever become accustomed to – how often miracles occur, at work and personally. I promise you that as you start to watch for miracles in your life, you’ll be amazed by how often they occur.
Please share your thoughts with me by posting a comment. I’d love to hear about a miracle you’ve witnessed or participated in.
Until Thursday Friends,
Tara
